Dear Abby - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Halx · 04-30-2006, 08:17 PM

I'll be honest with you, you're going to be doing my homework for me. So, I have this public speaking class and the homework assignment is to just bring in to class a "Dear Abby" question. Something you'd find in an advice column. So, TFP, your mission is to deliver to me an advice column question worthy of answering... in front of the class. (There's an added humor element to this, so I think it can pass as a valid thread...)

politicophile · 04-30-2006, 09:23 PM

Compulsive masturbation is a serious issue for some folks out there.

You could also go the obcessive-compulsive route, including the line, "This is the 278th time I've written you this week."

Martian · 05-01-2006, 02:36 AM

My understanding is that it must be fictional? I'll give it a go...

Quote:

Dear Hal,

I am in my third year of marriage with my beautiful wife. My problem, however, stems from the fact that she died in the second. Now, I'm certainly not one to hold such a disability as death against someone and indeed omitted the 'till death do us part' clause from our vows. However, I seem to get a lot of flak from my friends and family on the issue. They keep telling me to move on. That seems terribly insensitive to me; my lovely wife is already suffering from this debilitating issue and they want me to leave her on top of it! It seems absurd to me.

How can I get those close to me to accept my wife as she is? When will there be more tolerance towards the living impaired?

Yours,
Dead tired of lifeism, AL

Excuse my morbid sense of humour.

robbdn · 05-01-2006, 02:57 AM

Dear Hal,

I used to be a sex addict. I spent ten years of my life sleeping with anything that moves, including pets. I decided the only way to get over this addiction was to go cold turkey, and I stopped having sex altogether, including with myself. Now that I've been clean for a year, I've forgotten how to have sex! I remember it has something to do with... goblins? And stuffed animals? Oh no! What do I do?

Yours,
Horny in Holland

flat5 · 05-01-2006, 03:05 AM

Oh, I've got to try cold turkey. So far I've only had sex with warm/hot turkeys.

I think the above answers are brilliant.

The_Jazz · 05-01-2006, 05:18 AM

Dear Hal-by:

I'm a 58 year-old woman on welfare trapped in a loveless marriage. My husband cheats on me constantly and the only attention that I get from him involves his fists. My eldest son is an intraveneous drug user whose overdosed six times, and my daughter is a former high-end call girl who now finds herself working the streets to support her 7 children.

My youngest son is the only one who's different, and he spends all of his waking time on some computer message board call TFP offering advice to others and expressing himself in a polite and meaningful way. Where did I go wrong and how do I get him be more like his siblings?

--Mertyl

Halx · 05-01-2006, 05:58 AM

Damn Martian.. that's what I'm talkin' about

04-30-2006, 08:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	Dear Abby I'll be honest with you, you're going to be doing my homework for me. So, I have this public speaking class and the homework assignment is to just bring in to class a "Dear Abby" question. Something you'd find in an advice column. So, TFP, your mission is to deliver to me an advice column question worthy of answering... in front of the class. (There's an added humor element to this, so I think it can pass as a valid thread...) __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

04-30-2006, 09:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
politicophile Addict	Compulsive masturbation is a serious issue for some folks out there. You could also go the obcessive-compulsive route, including the line, "This is the 278th time I've written you this week." __________________ The peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error. ~John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

05-01-2006, 02:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
robbdn Crazy	Dear Hal, I used to be a sex addict. I spent ten years of my life sleeping with anything that moves, including pets. I decided the only way to get over this addiction was to go cold turkey, and I stopped having sex altogether, including with myself. Now that I've been clean for a year, I've forgotten how to have sex! I remember it has something to do with... goblins? And stuffed animals? Oh no! What do I do? Yours, Horny in Holland __________________ I'm swimming in the digital residue of a media-drenched world. It's too cold.

05-01-2006, 05:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Dear Hal-by: I'm a 58 year-old woman on welfare trapped in a loveless marriage. My husband cheats on me constantly and the only attention that I get from him involves his fists. My eldest son is an intraveneous drug user whose overdosed six times, and my daughter is a former high-end call girl who now finds herself working the streets to support her 7 children. My youngest son is the only one who's different, and he spends all of his waking time on some computer message board call TFP offering advice to others and expressing himself in a polite and meaningful way. Where did I go wrong and how do I get him be more like his siblings? --Mertyl __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

05-01-2006, 05:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	Damn Martian.. that's what I'm talkin' about __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

05-01-2006, 03:05 AM	#5 (permalink)
flat5 Very Insignificant Pawn Location: Amsterdam, NL	Oh, I've got to try cold turkey. So far I've only had sex with warm/hot turkeys. I think the above answers are brilliant.