The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

FSwenson · 03-15-2006, 03:08 PM

This whole post was an attempt at SPAM for some new TV show...

In the meantime, please feel free to continue posting stories about ridiculous customer requests.

FSwenson · 03-15-2006, 03:09 PM

I have more stories if you guys are interested. I'll probably be back later tonight since I have some important things to do at the moment.

Daniel_ · 03-15-2006, 03:18 PM

I had a woman phone me up today to tell me that her husband's penis had gone red.

Does that count?

jth · 03-15-2006, 03:33 PM

one of my fav stories was when I was pushing fries and burgers at Wendies trying to keep myself from being a homeless musician when some old crazy woman came in.

"I wish to order a junior bacon cheese burger" she asked of the cash lady.

"Anything else?" she replied

"No, but I want it made fresh."

"We cook all are food here fresh" she said.

"No, no I want you to go into te back and open a package of the ground beef, take out 1 patty and start it. Same with the bacon, I want to have the onion's cut freshly, the mustard and ketchup bottles changed and fresh green rinsed lettuce."

I called out from the grill that it would take like 20 minutes. To do all that with all our other customers but she didn't care.

20 minutes latter i just gave her one of our normal burgers

Willravel · 03-15-2006, 03:44 PM

Radioshack, 2001: "Sir, do you have any kittens?"
Radioshack, 2002: "You don't look anything like Howie Long."
Abercrombie and Fitch, 2002: "What do you know about raising livestock?"
a landscaping company, 2003: "What kind of flowers are less likely to get stepped on?"
a landscaping company, 2003: as I'm digging a trench "Do you have credentials?"
a landscaping company, 2004: "Do you guys do bathrooms, too?"

NoSoup · 03-15-2006, 03:59 PM

I'm not certain of the specifics, but from what I recall, I was trying to get a mortgagee clause faxed to me...

After my fourth request over several days without recieving it, I called up and spoke to their assistant - a younger sounding girl, I could actually hear her cracking and chewing her gum on the phone. I asked that she fax it over as soon as I got off the phone with her.

A few minutes later, I get a fax - with a big blank square that covers the area that had the pertinent information - with my fax number written on it.

I call her back, and ask her to refax it. I told her that I believe she had faxed it with a Post-It note attached to it.

Exasperated, she replies 'Just take if off!"

Sage · 03-15-2006, 05:04 PM

While working at the hospital lab:

-Had a nice old man call me, ask some routine question, and then spend fifteen minutes telling me that I sounded like a "fiesty Irish lass" and make sure to find a husband that could handle me

-Had the partner of a woman who was being tested for herpes call three times in one day trying to get us (the lab staff) to tell her the results of the test (which we cannot, must not, are forbidden to do). She was freaking out six ways to sunday on the phone too, it took like... twenty minutes to calm her down.

I'm sure I have more but they're slowly being forgotten

poundpuppy34 · 03-15-2006, 06:49 PM

i work at the framing department @ micheals. MY co-worker had this customer elder gentelmen come up and ask her where the frameas were... Now in order to get to my co-worker he passeed 4 rows full of empty frames with glass and backing and all that frames.
She asked him what type of frame he wanted.

He replied " frames without pictures in them, but i need glass in it"

Then she asked him what size frames he wanted, and he didnt know.

SO she takes him down each row of frames he had walked past and showed him all the frames. but really Where are your frames... ?

canuckguy · 03-15-2006, 07:05 PM

three days after 9/11, call from a customer in NY,

"i don't care how many fucking people died, just get my internet working again"

hung up on her.

(her internet connect went though one of the CO's in tower#2 i believe.

guthmund · 03-15-2006, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jth

one of my fav stories was when I was pushing fries and burgers at Wendies...Snip...

Ahhh, the fast food industry.....It brings out the really special 'crazy' in some folks.

I had a customer demand 'approval' of everything that went on his burger. He came inside and stood to one side of the counter to visually okay the bun, the lettuce....everything. It was kind of amusing and I used the opportunity to get back at one of the fry cooks who was giving me a hard time.

One lady complained because her shake was too 'chunky.' Then it was too thick...then not thick enough....it had too much chocoloate...then she could hardly taste it...then it didn't taste right at all. About 12 trips back outside for the exhausted car-hop and the shake was finally deemed 'good enough.'

The first couple of times, I tried to accomodate her. After that, I just put the damn thing on the counter and sent it back out to her after a few minutes with a fresh straw.

ngdawg · 03-15-2006, 09:23 PM

I wear a Kohl's Badge. On a Webcord that is black with big white ' Kohl's' on it,several times all the way around it. At least once a week, as I am folding towels, or stocking shelves, someone invariably comes up and says, 'Excuse me, do you work here?' To which my reply is either, 'No, I just like straightening things up', or 'No, I just like this necklace.' Only once did I not get a giggle-I was told I wasn't being very 'customer servicey'...

Bryndian_Dhai · 03-15-2006, 10:20 PM

I'm a bartender. Everything that comes out of their mouths is ridiculous. *sighs*

Me: Standing in front of 15 daiquiri machines labeled with the flavors

Idiot: What kind of daiquiris do you carry?

*****

Idiot: What do that strawberry tastes like?

Me: Kiwi Banana

*****

Me: Walking over to wait on someone who has been making an ass of themselves banging on the counter, whistling, snapping, the works, trying to get my attention....

Me: What can I get you?

Idiot: Ummmmmmmmmm........... blank look and big pause

Me: walks away disgusted

*****

Then there are the assorted tricks that 17 year olds will do to get into the bar. My favorite was actually one that pulled this gem on one of my coworkers....

Trey: Can I see some ID?

Idiot: hands Trey the ID

Trey: Um, dude, I can't serve you.

Idiot: Why not? I'm over 21!

Trey: Well, the person on this ID is over 21, but next time you pick a fake ID, try not to use it at the place where the person whose ID it is WORKS.

Idiot: slinks out of the bar

(Trey saved the id to give it back to Rudy)

*****

I have a zillion of 'em. *sighs* Drunks. Irritating AND entertaining. *grins*

Sgoilear · 03-16-2006, 05:19 AM

At a Barnes and Noble working at the info center in the center of the store:

The Lady: "Excuse me, I'm looking for a book."

Me: "Ok. Can you tell me the title or who wrote it?"

The Lady: "Ummmm....no. I forgot. It has a red cover though and it turns out they were twins at the end."

The_Jazz · 03-16-2006, 05:36 AM

OK, this is backwards since I was the customer and the clerk was the idiot, but it's still one of the dumbest conversations I've ever been involved in.

I was at Babys R Us to get a specific lamp. I could only find the floor model so I took it up to the furniture desk to see if I could buy that one. They wouldn't sell it to me since it wasn't a discontinued item. Ok, whatever, so I how do I get this lamp. They sent me over to the manager of the department (!) where I had the following conversation:

Me: Hi, the ladies at the desk sent me over to find out about getting this lamp.
Her: Oh, I think we're out of stock on that one. Let me check the back.
[pause for 15 second delay for her to walk to the doors and back out before the doors can even close]
Her: Sorry, it does look like we're out. I can special order it for you.
Me: Ok, how long will that take?
Her: 2 to 4 weeks.
Me: Wow, that's quite a while. How long until you get another shipment of these in?
Her: The truck should be here in the morning.
Me: Do you think there will be any of these lamps on it?
Her: There should be. I know we've asked for quite a few.
Me: So I could special order this and wait 2 to 4 weeks or just come back tomorrow?
Her: Well, I guess you could do that, but I really should special order this for you?
Me: Why?
Her: So that we can get your order tracked in the system. Look, sir, do you want to order this or not?
Me: No thanks, I'll just come back tomorrow.

My father-in-law was with me and laughed the whole way home. I stopped by the next afternoon and got the lamp. It was burning brightly in my son's room when I left for work this morning.

sunkssd · 03-16-2006, 06:18 AM

I used to work at the service desk at Meijer.

Me: How can I help you today?
Her: You overcharged me for this, it was supposed to be $25 (she points to a 27" tv).
So I check her receipt, knowing it's not $25 dollars. I call back to the electronics section and they tell me that the sign was for a vcr, on the opposite side of the aisle.
Me: I am sorry ma'am, but the $25 item was a vcr, not the tv.
Her: No it wasn't. It was right underneath the sign. I'll prove it.
So we walk back to the aisle and she shows me the sign.
Me: Ma'am that sign is for a vcr, the vcr that is right above the sign.
Her: You moved it. It was right over here! (as she points to where the tvs were).
Me: Ma'am, but the sign says VCR on it.
Her: You made a new sign then and had your little lackeys put it up before we got back here!

She stormed out...without the tv or a refund.

aberkok · 03-16-2006, 06:22 AM

I'm not posting this to be a killjoy, just to share one of the main things I've learnt over 4 years in retail: that we are our customers. This thread brings to mind "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I've been with most of my colleagues at work in situations where they've revealed themselves to be lousy customers.

I just don't like feeling like there's a fundamental divide between us and people across the counter/other end of the phone, and it's important to understand where they come from and not look down on them. I'm catching the odd whiff of snobbery and lack of understanding.

With that out of the way (but not forgotten please), I work at a print music store...

"tell me... (in a condescending voice)... where IS Beethoven if not in between Bach and Bartok!?"

ratbastid · 03-16-2006, 06:25 AM

For a joyful couple months, I worked for a vitamin company. You know how your store credit card bill comes with an envelope for you to mail your payment in? And sometimes there's like an advertisement attached to the envelope flap, a perforated dealy you can order various junk on? My company did those for their vitamins--you could fill out the thing to order a free 30-day sample. What the fine-print let you know, if you read it, was that you were agreeing to have 60-day bottles charged to your credit card and shipped to you automatically.

My job was to take the call from people on the 31st day after receiving their sample, when their first "paid" bottle of vitamins that they weren't expecting showed up. It was great fun.

The best, though, was a guy who called to cancel his subscription. He was sad about it, though, because he loved our vitamins. But he had to cancel them because all that B12 was staining his underpants.

Toaster126 · 03-16-2006, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

The best, though, was a guy who called to cancel his subscription. He was sad about it, though, because he loved our vitamins. But he had to cancel them because all that B12 was staining his underpants.

Thanks. I didn't want the rest of this breakfast anyways...

ngdawg · 03-16-2006, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

The best, though, was a guy who called to cancel his subscription. He was sad about it, though, because he loved our vitamins. But he had to cancel them because all that B12 was staining his underpants.

CSflim · 03-16-2006, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bryndian_Dhai

Me: Walking over to wait on someone who has been making an ass of themselves banging on the counter, whistling, snapping, the works, trying to get my attention....

Me: What can I get you?

Idiot: Ummmmmmmmmm........... blank look and big pause

Me: walks away disgusted

Hahahahah. That's hilarious!

cj2112 · 03-16-2006, 07:18 AM

I haven't done customer sevice in probably 20 years, but I was on the other end of a funny one a couple of months ago. I started this phone call feeling like a moron, as I had locked my new cell phone and didn't know the code to unlock it. I felt much better after talking to this girl.

Me: I accidentally locked my cell phone and I don't know the code to unlock it.

Her: Are you calling me on the phone you locked?

Redlemon · 03-16-2006, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

But he had to cancel them because all that B12 was staining his underpants.

Oh, is B12 the one that makes your urine neon yellow? 'Cause that's cool.

Charlatan · 03-16-2006, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cj2112

I haven't done customer sevice in probably 20 years, but I was on the other end of a funny one a couple of months ago. I started this phone call feeling like a moron, as I had locked my new cell phone and didn't know the code to unlock it. I felt much better after talking to this girl.

Me: I accidentally locked my cell phone and I don't know the code to unlock it.

Her: Are you calling me on the phone you locked?

Don't judge too quickly... she probably has had dozens of people who had called from their "locked" phone.

What sounds like a dumb question to you is a time-saving strategy to her.

StanT · 03-16-2006, 08:48 AM

From a customer VP and Chief Technical Officer:

"We need to do a better job of planning our disasters, we need to schedule them so that they don't affect our business".

Bill O'Rights · 03-16-2006, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlatan

Don't judge too quickly... she probably has had dozens of people who had called from their "locked" phone.

What sounds like a dumb question to you is a time-saving strategy to her.

The man speaks the truth here. Back when I worked in welding supply, I used to field some service calls from customers whose machines wouldn't work. First words out of my mouth were always "Is the machine plugged in?" "Is it turned on?" You would be absolutely amazed at how many times those two questions "corrected" the problem.

vanblah · 03-16-2006, 09:19 AM

The all-time best and worst job I ever had was working at a mom-and-pop bookstore in a small college town. We were constantly being harrassed for carrying occult books.

At the time I was going through my long, black and purple hair phase. One woman decided it was her goal to "save" me. I never really engaged her in conversation other than to say, "Thank you, but those aren't my beliefs."

My favorite quote:

<i>"I don't know if you're into spiritualism or what; but Jesus loves you."</i>

The whole time she is squeezing my elbow in her vise-like hands ... the implication by her demeanor being, "Jesus loves you but I don't."

I suppose it's pretty mild compared to other things I and others have probably heard but it's stuck with me for 15 years.

Manic_Skafe · 03-16-2006, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sgoilear

At a Barnes and Noble working at the info center in the center of the store:

The Lady: "Excuse me, I'm looking for a book."

Me: "Ok. Can you tell me the title or who wrote it?"

The Lady: "Ummmm....no. I forgot. It has a red cover though and it turns out they were twins at the end."

I've worked for Barnes & Noble for two years so I share in your pain:

Customer: Do you have a copy machine?
Me: Sure, just give me a second to change the sign outside from Barnes & Noble booksellers to Barnes & Noble Photocopiers.

Customer: Last week there was a book on display right here and now it's gone - I don't remember who wrote it but I think it's about the history of this big event.
Me: Sure, that books is 4 floors down and on your left - right across from the fiery blaze.

Customer: Do you think they'll have this book at the library/Borders/Amazon.com/etc.?
Me: No of course not - that copy in your hand is the last one ever made.

My Job is all customer service and problem solving so I'm not verbally attacking every ignorant customer but it just amazes me how many people are willing to associate a brand name with comfort and let random strangers think for them.

f6twister · 03-16-2006, 10:47 AM

Answering 911 and other calls from the public, I seem to talk to a moron at least once a day. Some of my favorites:

Me: 911, what is your emergency?
Caller: My phone doesn't work
Me: What is your phone number?
Caller: 555-8565
Me: (Noting that this is the number she called from) Then how did you dial 911?
Caller: (silence followed by) Well, it didn't work a few hours ago

and

Me: Police Dept
Caller: I want you to get rid of a racoon living under my porch
Me: We don't remove wild animals. You need to call a pest removal company.
Caller: You mean I have to pay to have this thing removed?
Me: Yes
Caller: I know you have a way to get rid of these things.
Me: Yes, we shoot them but that is only done for sick or injured animals and not when they are under your porch.
Caller: (Getting angry) It is on my property and I don't want it there. What gives it the right to enter my property and go under my porch?
Me: That is why they call it wild life.
Caller: Okay, bye.

ratbastid · 03-16-2006, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

The man speaks the truth here. Back when I worked in welding supply, I used to field some service calls from customers whose machines wouldn't work. First words out of my mouth were always "Is the machine plugged in?" "Is it turned on?" You would be absolutely amazed at how many times those two questions "corrected" the problem.

Oh, man, and how often were they INDIGNANT that you would ask that?

"Is the computer plugged in, sir?"

"OF COURSE it's plugged in! Do I sound like an idiot?"

"No, sir. But if you would please just humor me. Please find the power cord at the back of the computer and trace it to the wall electrical outlet."

"Okay, fine. ... Okay, I told you, it's plugged in."

(sound of a computer booting up)

"Hunh. Was that the computer starting?"

"Yeah! Hey, that's weird! Well, I guess it all works now. Thanks! Bye!"

qtpye4u84 · 03-16-2006, 11:02 AM

Not ridiculous, but very gross.

customer: Some thing smells in your fitting room.
Me: I'm sorry this building is 50 years old. (I hear it all the time like every day)

I walk into the fittingroom to clean out the clothes, like I do every hour and OMG
Yuckkkkkkkkkk
some one took a dump on the floor in the big fitting room.
(wonder what they used for toilet paper looks like they used the floor)

I felt so bad for the cleaning lady.

xepherys · 03-16-2006, 11:23 AM

Computer tech support really does bring out the dumb in people. I was working as a service department manager at a small OEM about 10 years ago. One of the computers we had custom-built for a client and sent out the day before was on it's way back because it was "acting strange and not saving files right". I was on lunch in the breakroom when the salesman let me know the customer had dropped the computer off on the service counter and would be back shortly. When I went to the service department, the WHOLE (and I mean whole) of the outer case was covered in magents, ranging from silly saying magnets to pictures being held on by "super strength" magnets. I wiped the machine, put the magnets in a box and left it up to the sales guy to explain what the problem was.

In my EDS days, I was once called out for an issue with a laser printer. The "issue" was that it was infested with cockroaches. I politely explained that this was not part of my job responsibilities and that she'd need to call maintenance.

The down side of those "time saving" question like the locked phone and is it plugged in is that those of us who ARE technically inclined have to waste a LOT of time when we have a real problem. I think there should be some aptitude test... a successful evaluation gives you direct numbers to Tier 2 support for all of your pertinent companies.

Redlemon · 03-16-2006, 11:37 AM

Here's something weird.

FSwenson is joining boards all over the place and posting this same question. He's been outed over on the TiVoCommunity board in this thread:
http://www.tivocommunity.com/tivo-vb...d.php?t=291597

He's also on MacRumors:
http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=186976

The theory over on the TiVo board is that they are trying to generate links to the "Eisenhower University" site.

MSD · 03-16-2006, 11:42 AM

Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager?
Chris: I'm the assistant manager, and I'm running the store today, can I help you?
Customer: I wanted to let you know that I just left a voicemail to complain at your corporate office. (pauses)
Chris: (Puzzled expression)
Customer: I think it's disgusting that you leave Fox News on and force your customers to listen to it. That channel is nothing but propaganda and we shouldn't be forced to see it.
Chris: Sir, I haven't seen the screen for an hour. I don't know what's on. The remote is a foot from your hand on the counter you're resting it on. Anyone can walk up and change the channel anytime. You are welcome to change the channel if the content offends you.
Customer: .... .... You hsouldn't be forcing us to watch it, it's all right-wing propaganda.
Chris: (rolls eyes)

asaris · 03-16-2006, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sgoilear

At a Barnes and Noble working at the info center in the center of the store:

The Lady: "Excuse me, I'm looking for a book."

Me: "Ok. Can you tell me the title or who wrote it?"

The Lady: "Ummmm....no. I forgot. It has a red cover though and it turns out they were twins at the end."

I had a couple of these when I was working at Waldenbooks.

Guy: I'm looking for this book, but I don't know the author or the title. It has a blue cover, if that helps.

Lady: I'm looking for this book, it has the word 'Cathedral' in the title...

ratbastid · 03-16-2006, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Here's something weird.

FSwenson is joining boards all over the place and posting this same question. He's been outed over on the TiVoCommunity board in this thread:
http://www.tivocommunity.com/tivo-vb...d.php?t=291597

He's also on MacRumors:
http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=186976

The theory over on the TiVo board is that they are trying to generate links to the "Eisenhower University" site.

Hunh! If every spammer started such fun threads, I might not mind them!

One more--one where the I was the dummy.

Working for a gourmet food store that carries all sorts of random esoteric gourmet stuff, the phone rings and a guy with a HEAVY Australian accent says, "Yeeah, you got skwidank?"
"Pardon me what?"
"Skwidank. You know."
"No, I'm sorry, I don't. Tell me about it."
"Look, you ga' a Swkid, rahyt? And it's ga' Ank in it, rahyt?"
"Oh, SQUID INK! Let me put you on hold, I'll find out!"

Poppinjay · 03-16-2006, 01:12 PM

I've been the dummy on some press e-releases I've received, where the person sending it puts her signature before the actual release. So on one occasion I called, a little annoyed, "I'd like to put this on our website, but there's no info!"

Her: "Did you scroll down?"

Me:

And having also worked at Barnes and Noble, I can identify with anybody who's ever been asked about the book by that guy about the thing.

PayUp · 03-16-2006, 03:03 PM

I called AAA when I locked my keys in the car, hour and a half later they show up.

No joke- the guy gets out of the truck, first words to me---
"are the keys inside"

It took every ounce of my being to contain my sarcasim.

amire · 03-16-2006, 03:09 PM

While working at Kroger's:

Customer: Do you take Kroger Plus Cards?
Me: ...

Grasshopper Green · 03-16-2006, 05:03 PM

I used to work at a small candy and popcorn store. The cash registers were kind of old and had to have the tax rate changed manually, and I didn't know how to do it.
The owner had the rate set slightly too high, and every once in awhile someone would notice.

An old woman came in one day, and she noticed I overcharged her. I figured out the difference...it was 4 cents. I gave her the 4 cents and she left. A few minutes later her husband comes in, totally irate, and demands the rest of what I owe her. I get the calculator and he demands a paper and pencil because he doesn't need the "damn machine". After figuring out the difference by hand, as well as telling me I'm stupid and need to go back to school, he says the difference is 40 cents. I tell him if I give him 40 cents, he will be paying less than the cost of the item. (The total was around 6.50, with actual cost being 6.25, he would have paid 6.10 for the item). He proceeds to rant and rave and I tell him he can speak to the owner tomorrow if he'd like, but I was through with him, and turned around and left. I was so pissed off.

He came back the next day for his 40 cents, and the manager gave it to him. He probably spent more in gas than he got back.

Everyone has their dumbass moments, but insulting someone in the process is a surefire way to not get what you want.

TotalMILF · 03-16-2006, 07:38 PM

I used to work at a blood bank on the mobile blood drives. Some people you just want to smack.

Me: At any time since 1977 have you used a needle to inject drugs not prescribed by a doctor?
Donor: Yes.
Me: When?
Donor: Last year, and the year before, and the year before that. I used steroids.
Me: I'm sorry, sir, but you may not donate blood with our company due to the increased risk of contracting bloodborne diseases.
Donor: But you've let me donate before!
Me: Did you answer "yes" to this question before?
Him: Well, no, I thought you only meant illegal drugs. Don't worry, I don't think I ever shared needles.
Me: Resisting the urge to kick the donor in the head... Did you have a prescription for the steroids?
Donor: Well, no.
Me: Still somehow resisting the urge to kick the donor in the head...Then they were illegal.
Donor: Well, that's stupid.
Me: No, YOU'RE fucking stupid. I'm sorry sir, please sign here to acknowledge that you are permanently deferred from donating blood with us.

Thank God that blood bank had a fantastic lab, so his previous donations were still safe. What a douchebag.

03-15-2006, 03:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
FSwenson Banned	The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer This whole post was an attempt at SPAM for some new TV show... In the meantime, please feel free to continue posting stories about ridiculous customer requests. Last edited by Charlatan; 03-16-2006 at 12:34 PM.. Reason: SPAM links removed

03-15-2006, 03:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	I had a woman phone me up today to tell me that her husband's penis had gone red. Does that count? __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

03-15-2006, 03:33 PM	#4 (permalink)
jth Insane Location: HRM	one of my fav stories was when I was pushing fries and burgers at Wendies trying to keep myself from being a homeless musician when some old crazy woman came in. "I wish to order a junior bacon cheese burger" she asked of the cash lady. "Anything else?" she replied "No, but I want it made fresh." "We cook all are food here fresh" she said. "No, no I want you to go into te back and open a package of the ground beef, take out 1 patty and start it. Same with the bacon, I want to have the onion's cut freshly, the mustard and ketchup bottles changed and fresh green rinsed lettuce." I called out from the grill that it would take like 20 minutes. To do all that with all our other customers but she didn't care. 20 minutes latter i just gave her one of our normal burgers __________________ "A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote

03-15-2006, 03:59 PM	#6 (permalink)
NoSoup Non-Rookie Location: Green Bay, WI	I'm not certain of the specifics, but from what I recall, I was trying to get a mortgagee clause faxed to me... After my fourth request over several days without recieving it, I called up and spoke to their assistant - a younger sounding girl, I could actually hear her cracking and chewing her gum on the phone. I asked that she fax it over as soon as I got off the phone with her. A few minutes later, I get a fax - with a big blank square that covers the area that had the pertinent information - with my fax number written on it. I call her back, and ask her to refax it. I told her that I believe she had faxed it with a Post-It note attached to it. Exasperated, she replies 'Just take if off!" __________________ I have an aura of reliability and good judgement. Just in case you were wondering...

03-15-2006, 05:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	While working at the hospital lab: -Had a nice old man call me, ask some routine question, and then spend fifteen minutes telling me that I sounded like a "fiesty Irish lass" and make sure to find a husband that could handle me -Had the partner of a woman who was being tested for herpes call three times in one day trying to get us (the lab staff) to tell her the results of the test (which we cannot, must not, are forbidden to do). She was freaking out six ways to sunday on the phone too, it took like... twenty minutes to calm her down. I'm sure I have more but they're slowly being forgotten __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

03-15-2006, 03:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
FSwenson Banned	I have more stories if you guys are interested. I'll probably be back later tonight since I have some important things to do at the moment.

03-15-2006, 03:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Radioshack, 2001: "Sir, do you have any kittens?" Radioshack, 2002: "You don't look anything like Howie Long." Abercrombie and Fitch, 2002: "What do you know about raising livestock?" a landscaping company, 2003: "What kind of flowers are less likely to get stepped on?" a landscaping company, 2003: as I'm digging a trench "Do you have credentials?" a landscaping company, 2004: "Do you guys do bathrooms, too?"

03-15-2006, 06:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
poundpuppy34 Tilted	i work at the framing department @ micheals. MY co-worker had this customer elder gentelmen come up and ask her where the frameas were... Now in order to get to my co-worker he passeed 4 rows full of empty frames with glass and backing and all that frames. She asked him what type of frame he wanted. He replied " frames without pictures in them, but i need glass in it" Then she asked him what size frames he wanted, and he didnt know. SO she takes him down each row of frames he had walked past and showed him all the frames. but really Where are your frames... ? __________________ fyi: I am a female

03-15-2006, 07:05 PM	#9 (permalink)
canuckguy I read your emails. Location: earth	three days after 9/11, call from a customer in NY, "i don't care how many fucking people died, just get my internet working again" hung up on her. (her internet connect went though one of the CO's in tower#2 i believe.

03-15-2006, 09:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	I wear a Kohl's Badge. On a Webcord that is black with big white ' Kohl's' on it,several times all the way around it. At least once a week, as I am folding towels, or stocking shelves, someone invariably comes up and says, 'Excuse me, do you work here?' To which my reply is either, 'No, I just like straightening things up', or 'No, I just like this necklace.' Only once did I not get a giggle-I was told I wasn't being very 'customer servicey'... __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

03-15-2006, 10:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
Bryndian_Dhai Insane Location: Louisiana	I'm a bartender. Everything that comes out of their mouths is ridiculous. sighs Me: Standing in front of 15 daiquiri machines labeled with the flavors Idiot: What kind of daiquiris do you carry? *** Idiot: What do that strawberry tastes like? Me: Kiwi Banana *** Me: Walking over to wait on someone who has been making an ass of themselves banging on the counter, whistling, snapping, the works, trying to get my attention.... Me: What can I get you? Idiot: Ummmmmmmmmm........... blank look and big pause Me: walks away disgusted ***** Then there are the assorted tricks that 17 year olds will do to get into the bar. My favorite was actually one that pulled this gem on one of my coworkers.... Trey: Can I see some ID? Idiot: hands Trey the ID Trey: Um, dude, I can't serve you. Idiot: Why not? I'm over 21! Trey: Well, the person on this ID is over 21, but next time you pick a fake ID, try not to use it at the place where the person whose ID it is WORKS. Idiot: slinks out of the bar (Trey saved the id to give it back to Rudy) ***** I have a zillion of 'em. sighs Drunks. Irritating AND entertaining. grins __________________ “When facism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.” ~Sinclair Lewis

03-16-2006, 05:19 AM	#13 (permalink)
Sgoilear Tilted Location: Colorado	At a Barnes and Noble working at the info center in the center of the store: The Lady: "Excuse me, I'm looking for a book." Me: "Ok. Can you tell me the title or who wrote it?" The Lady: "Ummmm....no. I forgot. It has a red cover though and it turns out they were twins at the end." __________________ "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." -George Bernard Shaw

03-16-2006, 05:36 AM	#14 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	OK, this is backwards since I was the customer and the clerk was the idiot, but it's still one of the dumbest conversations I've ever been involved in. I was at Babys R Us to get a specific lamp. I could only find the floor model so I took it up to the furniture desk to see if I could buy that one. They wouldn't sell it to me since it wasn't a discontinued item. Ok, whatever, so I how do I get this lamp. They sent me over to the manager of the department (!) where I had the following conversation: Me: Hi, the ladies at the desk sent me over to find out about getting this lamp. Her: Oh, I think we're out of stock on that one. Let me check the back. [pause for 15 second delay for her to walk to the doors and back out before the doors can even close] Her: Sorry, it does look like we're out. I can special order it for you. Me: Ok, how long will that take? Her: 2 to 4 weeks. Me: Wow, that's quite a while. How long until you get another shipment of these in? Her: The truck should be here in the morning. Me: Do you think there will be any of these lamps on it? Her: There should be. I know we've asked for quite a few. Me: So I could special order this and wait 2 to 4 weeks or just come back tomorrow? Her: Well, I guess you could do that, but I really should special order this for you? Me: Why? Her: So that we can get your order tracked in the system. Look, sir, do you want to order this or not? Me: No thanks, I'll just come back tomorrow. My father-in-law was with me and laughed the whole way home. I stopped by the next afternoon and got the lamp. It was burning brightly in my son's room when I left for work this morning. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

03-16-2006, 06:18 AM	#15 (permalink)
sunkssd Upright Location: MI	I used to work at the service desk at Meijer. Me: How can I help you today? Her: You overcharged me for this, it was supposed to be $25 (she points to a 27" tv). So I check her receipt, knowing it's not $25 dollars. I call back to the electronics section and they tell me that the sign was for a vcr, on the opposite side of the aisle. Me: I am sorry ma'am, but the $25 item was a vcr, not the tv. Her: No it wasn't. It was right underneath the sign. I'll prove it. So we walk back to the aisle and she shows me the sign. Me: Ma'am that sign is for a vcr, the vcr that is right above the sign. Her: You moved it. It was right over here! (as she points to where the tvs were). Me: Ma'am, but the sign says VCR on it. Her: You made a new sign then and had your little lackeys put it up before we got back here! She stormed out...without the tv or a refund.

03-16-2006, 06:22 AM	#16 (permalink)
aberkok “Wrong is right.” Location: toronto	I'm not posting this to be a killjoy, just to share one of the main things I've learnt over 4 years in retail: that we are our customers. This thread brings to mind "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I've been with most of my colleagues at work in situations where they've revealed themselves to be lousy customers. I just don't like feeling like there's a fundamental divide between us and people across the counter/other end of the phone, and it's important to understand where they come from and not look down on them. I'm catching the odd whiff of snobbery and lack of understanding. With that out of the way (but not forgotten please), I work at a print music store... "tell me... (in a condescending voice)... where IS Beethoven if not in between Bach and Bartok!?" __________________ !check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."

03-16-2006, 06:25 AM	#17 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	For a joyful couple months, I worked for a vitamin company. You know how your store credit card bill comes with an envelope for you to mail your payment in? And sometimes there's like an advertisement attached to the envelope flap, a perforated dealy you can order various junk on? My company did those for their vitamins--you could fill out the thing to order a free 30-day sample. What the fine-print let you know, if you read it, was that you were agreeing to have 60-day bottles charged to your credit card and shipped to you automatically. My job was to take the call from people on the 31st day after receiving their sample, when their first "paid" bottle of vitamins that they weren't expecting showed up. It was great fun. The best, though, was a guy who called to cancel his subscription. He was sad about it, though, because he loved our vitamins. But he had to cancel them because all that B12 was staining his underpants.

03-16-2006, 07:18 AM	#21 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	I haven't done customer sevice in probably 20 years, but I was on the other end of a funny one a couple of months ago. I started this phone call feeling like a moron, as I had locked my new cell phone and didn't know the code to unlock it. I felt much better after talking to this girl. Me: I accidentally locked my cell phone and I don't know the code to unlock it. Her: Are you calling me on the phone you locked?

03-16-2006, 08:48 AM	#24 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	From a customer VP and Chief Technical Officer: "We need to do a better job of planning our disasters, we need to schedule them so that they don't affect our business".

03-16-2006, 09:19 AM	#26 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	The all-time best and worst job I ever had was working at a mom-and-pop bookstore in a small college town. We were constantly being harrassed for carrying occult books. At the time I was going through my long, black and purple hair phase. One woman decided it was her goal to "save" me. I never really engaged her in conversation other than to say, "Thank you, but those aren't my beliefs." My favorite quote: <i>"I don't know if you're into spiritualism or what; but Jesus loves you."</i> The whole time she is squeezing my elbow in her vise-like hands ... the implication by her demeanor being, "Jesus loves you but I don't." I suppose it's pretty mild compared to other things I and others have probably heard but it's stuck with me for 15 years.

03-16-2006, 10:47 AM	#28 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	Answering 911 and other calls from the public, I seem to talk to a moron at least once a day. Some of my favorites: Me: 911, what is your emergency? Caller: My phone doesn't work Me: What is your phone number? Caller: 555-8565 Me: (Noting that this is the number she called from) Then how did you dial 911? Caller: (silence followed by) Well, it didn't work a few hours ago and Me: Police Dept Caller: I want you to get rid of a racoon living under my porch Me: We don't remove wild animals. You need to call a pest removal company. Caller: You mean I have to pay to have this thing removed? Me: Yes Caller: I know you have a way to get rid of these things. Me: Yes, we shoot them but that is only done for sick or injured animals and not when they are under your porch. Caller: (Getting angry) It is on my property and I don't want it there. What gives it the right to enter my property and go under my porch? Me: That is why they call it wild life. Caller: Okay, bye. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

03-16-2006, 11:02 AM	#30 (permalink)
qtpye4u84 Flavor+noodles Location: oregon	Not ridiculous, but very gross. customer: Some thing smells in your fitting room. Me: I'm sorry this building is 50 years old. (I hear it all the time like every day) I walk into the fittingroom to clean out the clothes, like I do every hour and OMG Yuckkkkkkkkkk some one took a dump on the floor in the big fitting room. (wonder what they used for toilet paper looks like they used the floor) I felt so bad for the cleaning lady. __________________ The QTpie Last edited by qtpye4u84; 03-16-2006 at 11:04 AM..

03-16-2006, 11:23 AM	#31 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	Computer tech support really does bring out the dumb in people. I was working as a service department manager at a small OEM about 10 years ago. One of the computers we had custom-built for a client and sent out the day before was on it's way back because it was "acting strange and not saving files right". I was on lunch in the breakroom when the salesman let me know the customer had dropped the computer off on the service counter and would be back shortly. When I went to the service department, the WHOLE (and I mean whole) of the outer case was covered in magents, ranging from silly saying magnets to pictures being held on by "super strength" magnets. I wiped the machine, put the magnets in a box and left it up to the sales guy to explain what the problem was. In my EDS days, I was once called out for an issue with a laser printer. The "issue" was that it was infested with cockroaches. I politely explained that this was not part of my job responsibilities and that she'd need to call maintenance. The down side of those "time saving" question like the locked phone and is it plugged in is that those of us who ARE technically inclined have to waste a LOT of time when we have a real problem. I think there should be some aptitude test... a successful evaluation gives you direct numbers to Tier 2 support for all of your pertinent companies.

03-16-2006, 11:37 AM	#32 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Here's something weird. FSwenson is joining boards all over the place and posting this same question. He's been outed over on the TiVoCommunity board in this thread: http://www.tivocommunity.com/tivo-vb...d.php?t=291597 He's also on MacRumors: http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=186976 The theory over on the TiVo board is that they are trying to generate links to the "Eisenhower University" site. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

03-16-2006, 11:42 AM	#33 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Chris: I'm the assistant manager, and I'm running the store today, can I help you? Customer: I wanted to let you know that I just left a voicemail to complain at your corporate office. (pauses) Chris: (Puzzled expression) Customer: I think it's disgusting that you leave Fox News on and force your customers to listen to it. That channel is nothing but propaganda and we shouldn't be forced to see it. Chris: Sir, I haven't seen the screen for an hour. I don't know what's on. The remote is a foot from your hand on the counter you're resting it on. Anyone can walk up and change the channel anytime. You are welcome to change the channel if the content offends you. Customer: .... .... You hsouldn't be forcing us to watch it, it's all right-wing propaganda. Chris: (rolls eyes)

03-16-2006, 01:12 PM	#36 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	I've been the dummy on some press e-releases I've received, where the person sending it puts her signature before the actual release. So on one occasion I called, a little annoyed, "I'd like to put this on our website, but there's no info!" Her: "Did you scroll down?" Me: And having also worked at Barnes and Noble, I can identify with anybody who's ever been asked about the book by that guy about the thing. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

03-16-2006, 03:03 PM	#37 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	I called AAA when I locked my keys in the car, hour and a half later they show up. No joke- the guy gets out of the truck, first words to me--- "are the keys inside" It took every ounce of my being to contain my sarcasim. __________________ Born to Lose.

03-16-2006, 03:09 PM	#38 (permalink)
amire Crazy	While working at Kroger's: Customer: Do you take Kroger Plus Cards? Me: ...

03-16-2006, 05:03 PM	#39 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	I used to work at a small candy and popcorn store. The cash registers were kind of old and had to have the tax rate changed manually, and I didn't know how to do it. The owner had the rate set slightly too high, and every once in awhile someone would notice. An old woman came in one day, and she noticed I overcharged her. I figured out the difference...it was 4 cents. I gave her the 4 cents and she left. A few minutes later her husband comes in, totally irate, and demands the rest of what I owe her. I get the calculator and he demands a paper and pencil because he doesn't need the "damn machine". After figuring out the difference by hand, as well as telling me I'm stupid and need to go back to school, he says the difference is 40 cents. I tell him if I give him 40 cents, he will be paying less than the cost of the item. (The total was around 6.50, with actual cost being 6.25, he would have paid 6.10 for the item). He proceeds to rant and rave and I tell him he can speak to the owner tomorrow if he'd like, but I was through with him, and turned around and left. I was so pissed off. He came back the next day for his 40 cents, and the manager gave it to him. He probably spent more in gas than he got back. Everyone has their dumbass moments, but insulting someone in the process is a surefire way to not get what you want. __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

03-16-2006, 07:38 PM	#40 (permalink)
TotalMILF Delusional... but in a funny way Location: deeee-TROIT!!!	I used to work at a blood bank on the mobile blood drives. Some people you just want to smack. Me: At any time since 1977 have you used a needle to inject drugs not prescribed by a doctor? Donor: Yes. Me: When? Donor: Last year, and the year before, and the year before that. I used steroids. Me: I'm sorry, sir, but you may not donate blood with our company due to the increased risk of contracting bloodborne diseases. Donor: But you've let me donate before! Me: Did you answer "yes" to this question before? Him: Well, no, I thought you only meant illegal drugs. Don't worry, I don't think I ever shared needles. Me: Resisting the urge to kick the donor in the head... Did you have a prescription for the steroids? Donor: Well, no. Me: Still somehow resisting the urge to kick the donor in the head...Then they were illegal. Donor: Well, that's stupid. Me: No, YOU'RE fucking stupid. I'm sorry sir, please sign here to acknowledge that you are permanently deferred from donating blood with us. Thank God that blood bank had a fantastic lab, so his previous donations were still safe. What a douchebag.