Joaquin Phoenix = Greatest Rapper Alive - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Manic_Skafe · 01-23-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Jaoquin Phoenix Underwhelms In Hip-Hop Debut
Joaquin Phoenix's dream of becoming a legitimate Hip-Hop artist took a hit last Friday (January 16), as the acclaimed actor delivered an abysmal set in his first ever music performance.

Eyewitness reports allege that Phoenix immediately unraveled on stage due to the lateness of brother in-law and director Casey Affleck, who was on hand to film the concert for a forthcoming documentary.

"Thanks for being late and f**king everything up," Phoenix allegedly barked at Casey over the mic.

Reports further state that Phoenix's actual rapping was embarrassing, with the retired actor repeatedly fumbling over his words and struggling to complete full bars.

Just one song into his show, the set abruptly came to an end after Phoenix fell off the stage while trying to incite a standard call and response chant.

The comical affair comes just one week after Joaquin Phoenix announced he would be creating a Hip-Hop album with rumored assistance from mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs.

Last October, Joaquin Phoenix officially announced his retirement from acting to pursue music full time.

Because of the over the top nature of the performance and Phoenix's haggard appearance, some are now speculating the upcoming documentary is actually an elaborate satire.

At press time, Joaquin Phoenix could not be reached for comment.

Admittedly, I've hated this guy since his role in Gladiator (which I guess was the point) but this is pretty much indefensible:

You'd think that being in an actor he'd at least be able to pretend to be a decent enough rapper. Maybe he'd even research the role. Apparently not:

Uggh.

lostgirl · 01-23-2009, 04:18 PM

mixedmedia · 01-23-2009, 04:30 PM

ummm, I'm going with the 'elaborate satire' theory...something just ain't real about it

Plan9 · 01-23-2009, 05:09 PM

Wow, that's more douche than a truckload of Summer's Eve.

Esoteric · 01-23-2009, 05:45 PM

Hip hop has been dead for awhile. Joaquin is here to fuck the corpse.

Manic_Skafe · 01-23-2009, 07:29 PM

Haha Crompsin. And Eso, Hip-Hop is far from dead but JoPho's special brand is in dire need of a toe tag. Maybe he can cash in on that Puerto Rican heritage and start doing reggaeton.

Plan9 · 01-23-2009, 07:41 PM

JoPho... Mofo flows like a stack of SumzEev.

Baraka_Guru · 01-23-2009, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedmedia

ummm, I'm going with the 'elaborate satire' theory...something just ain't real about it

I'm with you on this. I too sense there is something not quite real about it.

Maybe it's fabricated...something to bring awareness to this Affleck film.

Who knows?

Joaquin Phoenix on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads

If it's real...and Phoenix has gone from Walk the Line to this, in this time frame, then my guess is he's lost it and is in the process of burning out.

pig · 01-24-2009, 03:55 AM

Yep, I see two choices:

1. Joaquin is a few months from a hot dose of sleeping pills, Everclear, and cough syrup. If he's seriously trying to be a hip-hop star, and the above is what he is up to, I'd say he's clearly off the deep-end and/or clinically depressed.

2. He's taking the mockumentary to the HNL. In which case I applaud his efforts, because when you view it as satire / humor - the above clips are absolutely hilarious.

roachboy · 01-24-2009, 06:04 AM

uh...wow.
it's been a while since i've heard anyone free themselves so completely of that pesky flow business.
and to be so free of flow over a chopped up "take five" too.
wow.

in a world that includes the fantastic ill mitch

what joaquin is doing can't really be understood as satire.

the only way to know what is happening is to see comrade phoenix live. like maybe his energy is such that the film is distorted. maybe joaquin falls off stage every performance as a device to indicate what is to follow. maybe his shows are miracles of flow-free delivery.
maybe attending would be an apotheosis.
field work, comrades. science. the only way to know.

CinnamonGirl · 01-24-2009, 01:04 PM

*headdesk* Please be satire. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

I was looking forward to hearing him sing. I figured, after Walk the Line, he'd get into country, or maybe folk. But rap? Are you serious?

Sigh. It's gotta be satire, right? Or, as others have said, he's officially gone 'round the bed. I'm hoping for satire.

RetroGunslinger · 01-24-2009, 01:18 PM

Well, that's not something you see every day.

It has to be satire. Phoenix is far from a genius, but he's not retarded.

...

... COME ON! The guy was in Quills, he can't be all bad!

biznatch · 01-24-2009, 10:27 PM

Ehhhhh. I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable. If this is in fact real, does this guy not have any friends/relatives decent enough to put an end to this, sit him down, and tell him to stop?

tommy thompson · 02-07-2009, 12:25 AM

Two words: not good.

Baraka_Guru · 02-13-2009, 04:35 PM

The saga continues....

If you can't view it in your country, there are alternatives on the main site @ YouTube.

01-23-2009, 04:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
lostgirl lightform Location: Edge of the deep green sea	__________________ We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side. We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune

01-23-2009, 04:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	ummm, I'm going with the 'elaborate satire' theory...something just ain't real about it __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

01-23-2009, 05:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Wow, that's more douche than a truckload of Summer's Eve. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

01-23-2009, 05:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
Esoteric Tired Location: Florida	Hip hop has been dead for awhile. Joaquin is here to fuck the corpse. __________________ From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

01-23-2009, 07:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	Haha Crompsin. And Eso, Hip-Hop is far from dead but JoPho's special brand is in dire need of a toe tag. Maybe he can cash in on that Puerto Rican heritage and start doing reggaeton. __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

01-23-2009, 07:41 PM	#7 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	JoPho... Mofo flows like a stack of SumzEev. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

01-24-2009, 03:55 AM	#9 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	Yep, I see two choices: 1. Joaquin is a few months from a hot dose of sleeping pills, Everclear, and cough syrup. If he's seriously trying to be a hip-hop star, and the above is what he is up to, I'd say he's clearly off the deep-end and/or clinically depressed. 2. He's taking the mockumentary to the HNL. In which case I applaud his efforts, because when you view it as satire / humor - the above clips are absolutely hilarious. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

01-24-2009, 06:04 AM	#10 (permalink)
roachboy Super Moderator Location: essex ma	uh...wow. it's been a while since i've heard anyone free themselves so completely of that pesky flow business. and to be so free of flow over a chopped up "take five" too. wow. in a world that includes the fantastic ill mitch what joaquin is doing can't really be understood as satire. the only way to know what is happening is to see comrade phoenix live. like maybe his energy is such that the film is distorted. maybe joaquin falls off stage every performance as a device to indicate what is to follow. maybe his shows are miracles of flow-free delivery. maybe attending would be an apotheosis. field work, comrades. science. the only way to know. __________________ a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear it make you sick. -kamau brathwaite Last edited by roachboy; 01-24-2009 at 06:11 AM..

01-24-2009, 01:04 PM	#11 (permalink)
CinnamonGirl She's Actual Size Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell	headdesk Please be satire. Pleeeeeeeeeeease. I was looking forward to hearing him sing. I figured, after Walk the Line, he'd get into country, or maybe folk. But rap? Are you serious? Sigh. It's gotta be satire, right? Or, as others have said, he's officially gone 'round the bed. I'm hoping for satire. __________________ "...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

01-24-2009, 01:18 PM	#12 (permalink)
RetroGunslinger eats puppies and shits rainbows Location: An Area of Space Occupied by a Population, SC, USA	Well, that's not something you see every day. It has to be satire. Phoenix is far from a genius, but he's not retarded. ... ... COME ON! The guy was in Quills, he can't be all bad! __________________ It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay. M.B. Keene

01-24-2009, 10:27 PM	#13 (permalink)
biznatch Junkie Location: France	Ehhhhh. I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable. If this is in fact real, does this guy not have any friends/relatives decent enough to put an end to this, sit him down, and tell him to stop? __________________ Check it out: The Open Source/Freeware/Gratis Software Thread

02-07-2009, 12:25 AM	#14 (permalink)
tommy thompson Psycho	Two words: not good. __________________ ...a wandering soul...

02-13-2009, 04:35 PM	#15 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	The saga continues.... If you can't view it in your country, there are alternatives on the main site @ YouTube. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot