Lucifer

StrayCats

1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk,
yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.

8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y".

11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.

22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.

26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.

28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is using it.

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I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

Meditrina

Each one made me smile more. That was cute.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

tinfoil

Living in farm country, I have enough stray cats to fill the Sky Dome in Toronto. Unfortunatly, many of them are rather cute and friendly.

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Get off your fuckin cross. We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr.

Brewmaniac

Stray cats will not be brought home by my daughter, saying can I keep her daddy, I love her!

Furry

Stray cats will not come out of the woodwork at the presence of a small, cute child.

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Furry is the leader of his own cult, the "Furballs of Doom". They sit about chanting "Doom, Doom, Doom".
(From a random shot in the dark by SirLance)

Sultana

That is so great! But I have an improvement for the last one:

28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when ;ale9id de999!1kj'…

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Sion

I wonder what Brian Setzer thinks of this list...?

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

troit

I just sent this off to my Aunt in the southern tier of New York - a true animal lover who will not let any stray cat go unfed. She works in an ER room at the local hospital and donates unused supplies to the local shelter - just gathering good Karma I guess.

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I've yet to dephile myself...