Cadwiz

This has been around a while, but I have yet to see it here. My favorite is the seeping prop fluid.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are
problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Cervantes

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

I just love this one!

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- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

Acetylene

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

I like this one because it harkens to 20 years of telling my father his glasses were on his head

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There's no justice. There's just us.

Bill O'Rights

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

And this harkens back to my days in welding supply. Customer calls up furious because his new welder wont work.
Me: Is it plugged in?
Customer: Oh.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Vizzini

Thats good stuff.

Smart Ass mechanics

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Inconceivable!

Xell101

I like those! These two are my favorites.

Glava

They don't call it the Chair Force for nothing.

Date the Banana

Saw this as a thing about Q(u?)antas airlines.
It went on longer, there was one that went something like:
Problem: Flight controls need attitude adjustment.
Solution: Flight controls told to straighten up and act better, if they know what's good for them.

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all work and no play make Date something something

Tuxedo

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

The mantra of every Technical Support Department worldwide.

kinsaj

all of them great, thanks for the laugh

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boom