acostello

SADDAM'S SECRET READING LIST -- Special Forces Discover Arabic Editions of 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,' 'Where's Waldo,' and 'Treason' by Ann Coulter Hidden in Underground Library.

DEAN SUPPLIED PAINKILLERS TO LIMBAUGH -- Radio Host's Alleged 'Doctor Shopping' More Extensive Than Known; Former Vermont Gov. and M.D. Refuses Comment, Except to Say: 'Bush Lied About the War.'

MILITARY BRASS ISSUES NEW 'MOST WANTED' DECK OF DEMOCRATS -- Wesley Clark Is Ace of Spades.

PARIS HILTON FAVORED FOR STATEHOUSE AS VOTERS RECALL SCHWARZENEGGER -- 'I'm Voting for Her Myself,' Says Gropinator.

RIDGE ADDS NEW ALERT COLORS -- Warning That Terrorists Are Becoming More Sophisticated and Bold, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge Expands Threat List to Include Colors From Urban Outfitters: Teal, Lime Green, Hot Pink and Robin's-Egg Blue.

BUSH SAYS WEAPONS FOUND -- 'Saddam Hid Them in North Korea,' President Avers.

SADDAM VIDEO CACHE -- Hidden Bunker Reveals Deposed Dictator's Favorites Included 'George of the Jungle,' 'Pirates of the Caribbean,' 'The Amazing Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley.'

RED SOX CHANGE TEAM NAME IN DESPERATE BID TO AVOID CURSE -- 'Boston Yankees' Expected to Mount Strong Challenge in AL East.

LAURA BUSH EYES N.Y. SENATE RUN -- 'W' to Bill: 'My Wife Can Overthrow Your Wife.'

GREENSPAN WARNS AGAINST 'IRRATIONAL HIRING' -- Does Falling Unemployment Threaten Recovery?

SEALED DEAN PAPERS CONSIST ENTIRELY OF DOODLES -- 'Bush Lied About the War' Is Most Common Message of Scribbles.

NEW BUSH FOREST-FIRE PLAN: FEWER TREES -- National Forests Full of Combustible Material, Administration Warns.

BUSH WON '92 RACE, SUPREME COURT RULES -- Surprise Decision Throws '04 Race Into Turmoil.

WACHOWSKI BROS. PLAN "MATRIX 4: THE ERROR MESSAGE" -- New Film Will Consist Entirely of Monologue by Laurence Fishburne as Matrix Program Fails to Boot Up.

MUSIC DOWNLOADERS TO BE HELD AS 'ENEMY COMBATANTS' -- Copyright Piracy 'Materially Aids' Terrorism, Ashcroft Says.

BAGHDAD BOB TO DEBUT AS FOX NEWS HOST -- Murdoch Calls Latest Hire 'Strong, Unbiased.'

DEMS VOW FILIBUSTER AGAINST JUDGE JUDY NOMINATION -- Bush Calls Foes of High Court Nominee 'Anti-Feminist.'

CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES DIVORCES PRINCE CHARLES -- Prince of Wales Protests: 'We're Not Married!'

JOEY MARRIES ROSS IN 'FRIENDS' SHOCKER -- Rachel to Elope With Barman Gunther in Final Episode; Phoebe to Become CEO of Enron.

SADDAM'S MEDICINE CHEST OF DOOM -- Toppled Honcho Kept Stockpiles of Preparation H, Gas-X, Rid in subterranean lair.

STEINBRENNER OFFERS TO BUY SELIG -- Baseball Commissioner Would Report to Yankees' Owner; Lottery Proposed for Runner-Up in World Series.

FRENCH COURT RESCINDS LOUISIANA PURCHASE -- New Orleans, St. Louis, Chicago, Denver All Renamed 'Chirac.'