Before-Part 4
As I stepped over to look at her, I realized I had received what those in the 20th century would have called Judas’s kiss. It was all over. Everyone in this town was dead. Either by my hands or by those of the monsters that had come to inhabit it they were dead, and on some level I knew I was destined for the same path. I didn’t stay long in that town, only perhaps another month, but it was long enough for the sickness to take me and change me. Long enough for my hair to fall out, for my eyes to go blind one way and see again in a new way, for my skin to decay while my body seemed to grow stronger. I couldn’t have told you what I was. I don’t think I wanted to know, but I did know I couldn’t stay where I was, so I gathered my gear.
I went where I thought I could find some answers. But answers are hard to come by when you looked like I did, but eventually I found people who knew. People who understood why I couldn’t walk by a cemetery without my mouth watering. People who understood why the sun hurt my eyes. People who could help me find my way through life. Then I left them, and they all died too, killed by the fuckers who couldn’t figure out any better way to take out some fucking bugs without wiping out everyone else around the bugs. By that time I’d gathered myself again, and had learned more about how I fit into the big picture. It wasn’t really a pretty place, but, when you think about it, there really aren’t any pretty places anymore. Everyone’s got someone breathing down their neck.
I won’t talk about most of this anymore. If you asked me about it, I’d either kill you or make something up. My world has moved on, and I’ve learned to live with that. But when it’s time for me to move on, it’s gonna be on my own terms. ‘Cause sitting in my basement is a box. In that box is the gun I found that night so long ago. I clean it once a week to make sure it’s in good condition. Next to the gun is a clip with one bullet in it-one silver bullet. And on that bullet is engraved the word “Eternity.” My world was turned upside down. I wanted to be a force for right and good. I left a world behind for right and good, and now I’m no longer right or good. I’m some perversion of life. My survival instinct is too strong still, so I’ll do what I need to do to stay alive and functioning in this world. But one day my strength will wither and fold, and on that day, eternity will come, and this dream will end.
Thank you for reading. As I said, comments are welcome.
|