Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Tophat665 · 01-03-2004, 07:36 PM

My Four favorites:

Quote:

Word Association Football
Tonight's the night I shall be talking about of flu the subject of word association football. This is a technique out a living much used in the practice makes perfect of psychoanalysister and brother and one that has occupied piper the majority rule of my attention squad by the right number one two three four the last five years to the memory. It is quite remarkable baker charlie how much the miller's son this so-called while you were out word association immigrants' problems influences the manner from heaven in which we sleekit cowering timrous beasties all-American Speke, the famous explorer. And the really well that is surprising partner in crime is that a lot and his wife of the lions' feeding time we may be c d e effectively quite unaware of the fact or fiction section of the Watford Public Library that we are even doing it is a far, far better thing that I do now then, now then, what's going onward christian Barnard the famous hearty part of the lettuce now praise famous mental homes for loonies like me. So on the button, my contention causing all the headaches, is that unless we take into account of Monte Cristo in our thinking George the Fifth this phenomenon the other hand we shall not be able satisFact or Fiction section of the Watford Public Library againily to understand to attention when I'm talking to you and stop laughing, about human nature, man's psychological make-up some story the wife'll believe and hence the very meaning of life itselfish bastard, I'll kick him in the Ball's Pond Road.

Quote:

King Solomon's Wines
A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity, as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palette, but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain. "Black Stump Bordeaux" is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good "Sydney Syrup" can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines. "Chateau Bleu", too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn. "Old Smokey, 1968" has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian wino society thouroughly recommends a 1970 "Coq du Rod Laver", which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles of this, and you're really finished -- at the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour. Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is "Perth Pink". This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is BEWARE!. This is not a wine for drinking -- this is a wine for laying down and avoiding. Another good fighting wine is "Melbourne Old-and-Yellow", which is particularly heavy, and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat. Quite the reverse is true of "Chateau Chunder", which is an Appelachian controle, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation -- a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends. Real emetic fans will also go for a "Hobart Muddy", and a prize winning "Cuiver Reserve Chateau Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga", which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.

Quote:

The Lesson of St. Victor
And it came to pass that Saint Victor was taken from this place to another place, where he was lain to rest himself amongst sheets of muslin and velvet.
And there stroked was he by maidens of the Orient.
For sixteen days and nights stroked they him, yea verily and caresséd him.
His hair, ruffled they. And their fingers rubbethed they in oil of olives, and ranneth them across all parts of his body for as much as to soothe him.
And the soles of his feet licked they. And the upper parts of his thigh did they anoint with the balm of forbidden trees.
And with the teeth of their mouths, nibbled they the pointed bits at the top of his ears. Yea verily, and did their tongues thereof make themselves acquainted with his most secret places.
For fifteen days and nights did Victor withstand these maidens, until he cried out, saying:
"This...is fantastic! Oh...this is terrific!!"
And the LORD did here the cry of Victor. And verily came He down and slew the maidens. And caused their cotton wool buds to blow away, and their Kleenex to be laid waste utterly.
And Victor, in his anguish, cried out that the LORD was a rotten bastard.
So the LORD sent an angel to comfort Victor for the weekend. And entered they together the jaccuzzi.

Here endeth the lesson.

And finally, the prayer from the Meaning of Life:

Quote:

Let us praise God. O Lord,...
O Lord
Ooh, You are so <big>big</big>
ooh, You are so big
So absolutely huge.
so absolutely huge.
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and...
And barefaced flattery.
But You are so strong and, well, just so super.
Fantastic.
Amen.
Amen.