At the request of a male member, I am posting the following here. He is looking for our side of things to help him keep things together. Let's give him what we can, ladies.
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I've asked Jadzia to post this thread because I need a female perspective on an issue I am having with my wife.
The problem is she doesn't masturbate and gets extremely upset when she sees me doing it. I know my masturbating is not the most pleasant for her so I do it discreetly. When she has caught me in the past I made it clear it is what I do, it is part of my persona, and I wasn't about to change. I've been doing it almost daily since I learned how at the ripe old age of 12. Well, she saw me doing it a couple of weeks back and became even more upset than usual. She said she didn't understand why I needed to do it and that she thought it was 'unnatural'. She is not the least bit religious, so I'm not sure where that last bit came from. Anyway, she asked me why I had to do it and I relayed it was because I liked sex so much and she didnt' seem to care for it. She said when I masturbated it made her feel like she couldn't meet my needs and it made her feel inadequate. It was during that conversation that she told me she had never masturbated, ever. For background, she is 37 and I am 43. I was in a bit of shock as I assumed she had masturbated at some time in her life. Since she told me the pieces of her puzzling sexual attitude have been falling into place. From my perspective, she never seemed overtly interested in sex. We have been together for 7 years now, married for the last 2. In that time she has initiated sex once or twice a year on average. When we have sex, most of my touches and caresses during foreplay are either ticklish or irritating to her. I think she tolerates them only because I enjoy touching her body. I could go on, but suffice it to say she has been good at pretending to enjoy sex when she has actually just been playing along.
After giving the whole masturbation thing some thought, she offered a compromise. She said we could have sex any time I wanted to as long as I didn't masturbate. I told her I have no interest in having sex with someone who isn't interested and is only submitting to it because I wanted it. She said she liked having sex with me and would be a willing participant. I said the arrangement would be acceptable and wondered how quickly she would retract her offer when she realized I would want to have sex almost daily.
I belive the whole crux of the matter comes down to her not knowing how pleasurable sex can be because she doesn't know how to satisfy her sexual needs. I am desperate here. I love my wife dearly and fear if we cannot resolve this issue it may mean and end to our relationship. I am looking for advice on how to handle the situation and for resources my wife can use to learn about her body and derive pleasure from sexual intercourse.
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