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I think that the naming conventions merge when the females in the group decide to claim their share of the male term. Eg. actresses describing themselves as actors.
In contrast, stewardesses don't call themselves stewards because they haven't claimed that term; they've chosen "flight attendants" as their preferred neutral term.
As a side note, "bachelorette" is a fine word -- not as old as "spinster," but the OED has it going back to the 1930's.
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