Thread: A Memoir
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Old 10-27-2003, 12:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun
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Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
A Memoir

The Turning Point

Sitting in a corner of a cold, dark, desolate, and otherwise bleak 8 x 10 cell with your knees jammed into your chest, and tears full of a thousand thoughts pouring from your eyes, is the kind of experience that can either bind your soul, and give you strength and courage to go on, or it can rip your soul apart, and send you into a continuous downward spiral.

This cell was my own hell. Every aspect of the room was revolting to me, both emotionally, and physically. The smell of this cell; the smell of dried sweat and cheap cleaning products. The cell itself produced such an unfamiliar scent that it further made me realize where I was, or rather where I was not. I was not at my home, I was not protected and sheltered. The feel of the cell only reinforced that fact in my mind. The cold and hard cement that my back was propped up against was of course cold and hard to the touch, like everything else in this cell, the cement walls were void of emotion. No memories existed within this cell, I had no comfort here, no thinking of good times past, I only had the present, and at the present, I was in hell.

To add insult to injury, there was 1 grated window that allowed for light to enter my cell. On this day, the weather was particularly dark. Casting my cell into darkness as well, then however, a single, intense beam of light shone into the room, clearly visible from my darkened corner, this light shone bright and stark contrast to everything around it. In an optimistic mood, I might have seen this light as hope. However, it offered nothing to me other than symbolism of the fact that I was separated from everything, and it was only another revolting fact of life in that cell.

It was about this time, that the rhythmic thumping of the guards footsteps began to pound in my mind. This was simply another reminder of my separation from everything and everyone that existed elsewhere. It was not only the sound of the guards footsteps that cause me to be so revolted, it was that there were no sounds from outside. None of the sounds that you grow accustomed to as a person exist any longer. There was no howl of the wind, and no gentle chirping of the birds. No sounds of anything outside, once again, I was alone.

Closing my eyes, I took in all of these things, these smells, sights, and feelings were flooding my mind, normal inputs this powerful might overpower ones mind, however, at this moment, they were simply there, they existed only as reminders of the fact; I was alone and defeated.

Though now that I had come to that final realization, I was free to understand what I needed to do. I was given the chance now, and only now, to understand what had happened, and what I had to do to correct my life. Now; the scent of the room was merely a fact and a smell, nothing that I could not overcome, the fact that the cement was cold and emotionless only empowered me to move my back from the wall, and create my own warmth and emotion. The sounds of the footsteps outside my door were fading into nonexistence and irrelevance, the sounds I wished for from outside were beginning to be formed in my mind.

Opening my eyes, and looking to my side, I again saw that light. That only 1 minute ago symbolized the hopelessness of my situation. Now, I allowed it to be a shining ray of hope. On this day, I had lost everything, and yet, I was now on the path to the recovery of it all.




Any comments, suggestions, criticism are always welcome
TIA
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