debaser

Application For Piracy

Vacant Positions

Cook
Deck Hands
White Slaves
Scurvey Dogs
Gunners
Gunners Mates
Cabin Boy
Riggers
Friggin Riggers
Riggin Friggers
Officers
Engineers
*Navigator
Astrologer

*Must correctly complete question #6 on quiz portion of application for consideration


--------------------------------------------
Pirate Application Form

Name-
Age-
Sex?-
Aliases-
-
-
-
-
Have You Ever Applied For Piracy Before?-
AAAAARRRRRGGGGH?-
Have You Ever Been Convicted Of A Felony? ___No ___Yes
If No Please Explain-
Rape?-
Murder?-
Arson?-
Rape?-
Rope Skills?-
Have You Ever Been On A Boat Before?-
Was It Yours?-
If Not, Was It Yours At The End Of The Voyage?-
Does The Site Of Blood And Gore Make You Squeemish?-
Does It Excite You?-
Special Skills-
-
-
-
-

Do You Possess Any Of The Above Listed Skills?-
Do You Have An Aversion To Killing?-
Do You Have An Aversion To Not Killing?-
Do You Have An Aversion To Being Killed?-
Do You Have An Aversion To Watching Others Dying?-
Prefered Method(s) Of Killing (if any)?-
-
-
-
-
Disabilities (Check Those That Apply) please note: not all disabilities will disqualify you from a position
___Asthma
___Diabetes
___Peg Leg
___Heart Disease
___High Blood Pressure
___Missing Eye (__patch ___no patch)
___Pregnant
___Missing Teeth
___Missing Limbs (__hook ___stub ___newfangled prosthetic limb ___plunger)
___Assectimy (if you have to ask, you haven't had one)
___Drug Use
___Drug Abuse
___Druggie
___Junkie
___Extra Appendages
___Smack Head
___Tweaker
___Allergies
___Other
Education ___yes ___no ___3rd Option
Do You Smoke?-
If So, Who Did You Smoke Last?-
References:
Name Position Date Killed Reason
-
-
-
-
-
-

(information listed above will be confirmed)
(any fraudulent info will be punishable by exile… …in Newark, NJ)

Quiz

1. What was Calico Jack's telltale Jolly Roger? (sketch or explain) (2 bonus pts if drawn in human blood) (4 if its not yours)

2. Who was John Teach?
a. Britains Prime Minister
b. BBC News Anchor
c. Black Beard
d. All of the above

3. Define, in your own words: Keelhaul, Scurvy, Adjudicate, Poop Deck, Broadside, Displacement.

4. Pirate Government is:
a. Monarchy
b. Democracy
c. Anarchy
d. A lot more fun than anything you've experienced before
e. Both c and d

5. Unscramble these letters to make a pirate word: agtwjihembynro

6. If a pinnace (displacing 35 tons, 12 guns) leaves New Amsterdam at 0800 hrs heading SSE (135 degrees magnetic) at 18 knots, and a sloop (displacing 20 tons, 8 guns) leaves Charleston, SC at 1300 hrs heading due East (90 degrees magnetic) at what speed would the sloop have to move in order to intercept the pinnace and where is the nearest site to hide the booty from any pirate activity that might commence henceforth? (no calculators, Astrolabs may be used…)

7. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
a. 16 stone
b. 28 hand
c. 12 fathoms
d. 3 knots
e. 22.5 robies



Please Attach Any Relevant Documents, Severed Body Parts, Photographs, Boats, etc. To This Application (no staples)



I the undersigned, being of sound body and mind, or at least having a body and mind, or at very least a body, do hereby affirm that the above is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except in such cases where the truth was modified or outright slauthered in an attempt at self aggrandisment, or to avoid fessing up to the fact that I am indeed a complete wanker, and furthermore do renounce my social, political, or socio-political accreditation and succumb to the ways of the pirate order and the joy of lopping off heads and sowing disorder and chaos on the high seas for personal gain.



Date__________

Signature_________________________________________
(ball-point or quill dipped in blood only please)

__________________