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wry1 · 10-06-2003, 01:21 AM

Here's something that nobody has really addressed to this point....

Yelling, intimidation and threats of any kind are all forms of psychological abuse. Yes, abuse. It sounds as if your girlfriend has been both physically and psychologically abused in the past. Granted, this is something prevalent in many strata of Asian society - by no means all parts therein - but that does not in any way justify anyone placing someone else (especially their own child) in such a situation! And it sounds like this has been happening for pretty much all of her 20 years.....

The mental and emotional scars from such abuse can last decades - even a lifetime. It sounds as if your girlfriend is at least venting her frustrations around you; now you need to work with her to include you both in each other's lives to such a degree that your being there for her is something which she acknowledges unquestioningly and without hesitation. Support and understanding to that degree is some of the best medicine a person in this situation can have.

And if "Daddy Dearest" has another tantrum at your house, invite him inside to discuss any issues he may have; as you are undoubtedly a part of any "problems" he may be yelling about, you may be in a position to help resolve them. If he refuses, ask him to conduct himself properly, as he would at another's house. That should have the effect of drawing attention to his improper behavior, while allowing him to save some face in the situation.

Eventually, it will be up to your girlfriend to break the cycle of abuse which is occurring. If she does not, then it is quite likely to be passed on to her own children; remember: children who are abused are far more likely to become abusers themselves.

Good luck with this situation. As for me, I just don't have that much tolerance as a general rule....idiots and assholes always manage to tweak that "last nerve" and I wind up verbally ripping them a new one with scathing sarcasm and vicious wit.

But hopefully you're a better man than I am.....I'm pretty sure you are, at that!

10-06-2003, 01:21 AM	#15 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Here's something that nobody has really addressed to this point.... Yelling, intimidation and threats of any kind are all forms of psychological abuse. Yes, abuse. It sounds as if your girlfriend has been both physically and psychologically abused in the past. Granted, this is something prevalent in many strata of Asian society - by no means all parts therein - but that does not in any way justify anyone placing someone else (especially their own child) in such a situation! And it sounds like this has been happening for pretty much all of her 20 years..... The mental and emotional scars from such abuse can last decades - even a lifetime. It sounds as if your girlfriend is at least venting her frustrations around you; now you need to work with her to include you both in each other's lives to such a degree that your being there for her is something which she acknowledges unquestioningly and without hesitation. Support and understanding to that degree is some of the best medicine a person in this situation can have. And if "Daddy Dearest" has another tantrum at your house, invite him inside to discuss any issues he may have; as you are undoubtedly a part of any "problems" he may be yelling about, you may be in a position to help resolve them. If he refuses, ask him to conduct himself properly, as he would at another's house. That should have the effect of drawing attention to his improper behavior, while allowing him to save some face in the situation. Eventually, it will be up to your girlfriend to break the cycle of abuse which is occurring. If she does not, then it is quite likely to be passed on to her own children; remember: children who are abused are far more likely to become abusers themselves. Good luck with this situation. As for me, I just don't have that much tolerance as a general rule....idiots and assholes always manage to tweak that "last nerve" and I wind up verbally ripping them a new one with scathing sarcasm and vicious wit. But hopefully you're a better man than I am.....I'm pretty sure you are, at that! Last edited by wry1; 10-06-2003 at 01:23 AM..