What's better than a Hummer? A Land Rover, an H1, and a few others.
See, there are some things you can do with a Hummer you can't do with a fuel efficient vehicle. A Civic can't tow a trailer (and anything a Civic can tow certainly doesn't qualify as a trailer), a Civic can't go off-road (well, it can, but it has a hell of a time getting back on-road), a Civic can't carry as much (throw any statistic you want at me "Oh, a hummer only has x amount more, that's almost nothing!" The real life test proves different).
The only thing that absolutely blows away a Hummer in every catagory is, you guessed it, another Hummer, namely the H1, or Hum-Vee.
Now, as for Mini-Van's getting 1/3 better gas milage, that's because A) Most mini-van engines are signigantly smaller than the average SUV's and B) 1/3 of an SUV's gas milage isn't that big, say 5 MPG. So, you upgrade the engine of the van, and you have an unversitile SUV.
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
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