Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - A hypothetical situation (umm...yeah...er, sure)

toxic515 · 09-22-2003, 06:36 PM

AAAAAARGH, I am going to really try to resist the urge to be unkind here, so bear with me. I'm not one of those people who thinks you shouldn't judge... I think you MUST judge based on your standards, so here goes... Forgive me if I seem harsh, but I think reality is harsh... Here's the reality that I see.

You entered a contractual obligation to a person who has, based on your description maintained her part of the bargain. You, however, have not. Love is an interesting beast. You have control over that. Much much more so than many people like to pretend. You valued her in some fashion, for some reason when you chose to be with her. It's apparent, again from your description that she values you, and still loves you. I hate to hear that "selfless" love crap, it's all a lie. Love is the most selfish of all values. (I've ranted on that enough in other forums.) Look at the list of positives you've made. Really look at them. Then look at the list of negatives. I see bullshit laziness. Put some effort into the relationship. Be a man of integrity when it comes to your obligations. You've never made her orgasm? Practice more. Really. Take that woman to bed one night with nothing but her needs in mind. Forget your wants for a minute.. You REALLY want a good relationship and a happy marriage, it sounds like, so work at it. Get some counseling. Together, alone, whatever... Listen to her some. Why is she boring? because she spends her time supporting you and taking care of the baby you two have? I think I'd be pretty damned bored if I didn't take the time to do some things with my wife that she wants. Do I think sex outside of marriage is bad??? Hell no, but that's OUR agreement. A man of integrity is an honest man. You don't have to be nasty or brutal.

I've been married for 10 years now, been with her abut 2-3 years longer than that, and yes, we had some times when my love for her was not as strong as others. Right now, I'd have to say I love her more than ever, and it still grows. Why? because WE make the effort. You damned well knew you were wrong when you started the affair. You either divorce with some kind of cause, or you open up the relationship, but you certainly don't sneak around banging some dumb-ass hottie like a screen door just because she's got a nice rack and round ass. That's college crap you do when you're single. The fact of the matter is, if you don't already know this, you'll not likely EVER be happy. That lovely body isn't going to stay that way forever, but the dim bulb is. If you weren't sexually satisfied to begin with, then you made a poor choice in marriage, but those things can be changed. The trouble is it requires honesty... something your post makes you sound painfully short of.

Sounds like flame?? no, it's reality, get a grip.

and sorry again if it seems harsh, but you said you wanted honesty. I hope to the heavens and God of your choice that you really read it and understand. I hope the harshness does some good... for the sake of all involved.

09-22-2003, 06:36 PM	#52 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	AAAAAARGH, I am going to really try to resist the urge to be unkind here, so bear with me. I'm not one of those people who thinks you shouldn't judge... I think you MUST judge based on your standards, so here goes... Forgive me if I seem harsh, but I think reality is harsh... Here's the reality that I see. You entered a contractual obligation to a person who has, based on your description maintained her part of the bargain. You, however, have not. Love is an interesting beast. You have control over that. Much much more so than many people like to pretend. You valued her in some fashion, for some reason when you chose to be with her. It's apparent, again from your description that she values you, and still loves you. I hate to hear that "selfless" love crap, it's all a lie. Love is the most selfish of all values. (I've ranted on that enough in other forums.) Look at the list of positives you've made. Really look at them. Then look at the list of negatives. I see bullshit laziness. Put some effort into the relationship. Be a man of integrity when it comes to your obligations. You've never made her orgasm? Practice more. Really. Take that woman to bed one night with nothing but her needs in mind. Forget your wants for a minute.. You REALLY want a good relationship and a happy marriage, it sounds like, so work at it. Get some counseling. Together, alone, whatever... Listen to her some. Why is she boring? because she spends her time supporting you and taking care of the baby you two have? I think I'd be pretty damned bored if I didn't take the time to do some things with my wife that she wants. Do I think sex outside of marriage is bad??? Hell no, but that's OUR agreement. A man of integrity is an honest man. You don't have to be nasty or brutal. I've been married for 10 years now, been with her abut 2-3 years longer than that, and yes, we had some times when my love for her was not as strong as others. Right now, I'd have to say I love her more than ever, and it still grows. Why? because WE make the effort. You damned well knew you were wrong when you started the affair. You either divorce with some kind of cause, or you open up the relationship, but you certainly don't sneak around banging some dumb-ass hottie like a screen door just because she's got a nice rack and round ass. That's college crap you do when you're single. The fact of the matter is, if you don't already know this, you'll not likely EVER be happy. That lovely body isn't going to stay that way forever, but the dim bulb is. If you weren't sexually satisfied to begin with, then you made a poor choice in marriage, but those things can be changed. The trouble is it requires honesty... something your post makes you sound painfully short of. Sounds like flame?? no, it's reality, get a grip. and sorry again if it seems harsh, but you said you wanted honesty. I hope to the heavens and God of your choice that you really read it and understand. I hope the harshness does some good... for the sake of all involved. __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. Last edited by toxic515; 09-22-2003 at 06:49 PM..