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raeanna74 · 09-21-2003, 09:25 AM

As mentioned above. This whole area of your sexual life needs to be discussed. You need to talk (without accusing) about where both of your limits are. You both need to communicate about what each of you is doing or this will never work. Hubby (Dei37) and I participate in the swinging lifestyle, i.e. swapping. We have learned that communication and honesty is paramount. If you both decide that it's ok for each of you to go off on your own for sexual encounters then you should still communicate about what you are doing/have done. Otherwise - going off on your own should be out of the question.

Personally, I would say, don't worry about trying to find out if she has played with this couple yet or not. If you lay the ground rules and talk about what you both agree is allowable and what isn't then if it continues you will find out soon enough. I doubt it will continue once you talk about it.

If you are willing to allow her play with another man (who is a friend of yours) and not her friend's husband/so that may sound like a contradiction to her. You need to talk about how this needs to be something you do together and something that needs to build trust between the two of you. You will have many good times if you can work on this together. Most swinger couples that we have communicated with and met do not swing singly. They only meet with one, two or more people as a couple. When doing any swinging/swapping you both need to be in communication before, during, and after for this to work. The moment one of you becomes uncomfortable you must have an agreement that the other one will stop play asap and check in. You must feel free to communicate that you are uncomfortable and you can't just announce it to control things. This type of relationship is built on trust and giving. It may be bumpy to begin with but it will be worth it if you are willing to give it the time necessary. Every lifestyle couple that I have talked to have gone through a period usually within the first year where they have called all swapping off limits for a period of time until they both communicate enough and learn to trust each other enough to get back into it. This time off is necessary.

I hope I haven't rambled too much and that I made sense. I have been amazed at how this type of thing has strengthened our lines of communication and trust in our relationship. This is something we share and enjoy together. Only 4 years ago we were on the road to divorce and here we are today happy and cooperating. Good luck. Feel free to ask us any questions you may have.

09-21-2003, 09:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	As mentioned above. This whole area of your sexual life needs to be discussed. You need to talk (without accusing) about where both of your limits are. You both need to communicate about what each of you is doing or this will never work. Hubby (Dei37) and I participate in the swinging lifestyle, i.e. swapping. We have learned that communication and honesty is paramount. If you both decide that it's ok for each of you to go off on your own for sexual encounters then you should still communicate about what you are doing/have done. Otherwise - going off on your own should be out of the question. Personally, I would say, don't worry about trying to find out if she has played with this couple yet or not. If you lay the ground rules and talk about what you both agree is allowable and what isn't then if it continues you will find out soon enough. I doubt it will continue once you talk about it. If you are willing to allow her play with another man (who is a friend of yours) and not her friend's husband/so that may sound like a contradiction to her. You need to talk about how this needs to be something you do together and something that needs to build trust between the two of you. You will have many good times if you can work on this together. Most swinger couples that we have communicated with and met do not swing singly. They only meet with one, two or more people as a couple. When doing any swinging/swapping you both need to be in communication before, during, and after for this to work. The moment one of you becomes uncomfortable you must have an agreement that the other one will stop play asap and check in. You must feel free to communicate that you are uncomfortable and you can't just announce it to control things. This type of relationship is built on trust and giving. It may be bumpy to begin with but it will be worth it if you are willing to give it the time necessary. Every lifestyle couple that I have talked to have gone through a period usually within the first year where they have called all swapping off limits for a period of time until they both communicate enough and learn to trust each other enough to get back into it. This time off is necessary. I hope I haven't rambled too much and that I made sense. I have been amazed at how this type of thing has strengthened our lines of communication and trust in our relationship. This is something we share and enjoy together. Only 4 years ago we were on the road to divorce and here we are today happy and cooperating. Good luck. Feel free to ask us any questions you may have. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.