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Tophat665 · 08-20-2003, 07:18 PM

I read a truely staggering amount, and so I have read a heaping helping of steaming crap in my time. Some I feel I must apologize for disliking though;

Vonnegut - I tried reading Slaughterhouse and couldn't. Tried reading "Breakfast of Champions" and couldn't. I've heard the man speak (at college) and even spoken with him briefly (once), but his writing style makes me want to hurl.

Phillip Dick - A skilled screenwriter can get a good script out of a Phillip Dick book, but I'll be damned if I get anything out of them but let down. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep may be the single worst book I managed to complete in college. Giving him another chance, I tried The Man In the High Castle which, so far as I could tell, started in the middle and went nowhere of consequence. Colossal waste of time. (This from a man who truely enjoys the Illuminatus trilogy, which has been called the world's longest shaggy dog joke by some.)

Pynchon - Gravity's Rainbow
Burroughs - Naked Lunch
I lump these together because they both managed to revolt me into stopping reading within 100 pages. We all go potty, guys. But I don't send my TP off to my publisher afterwards.

Steinbeck was America's greatest typist. I recognize why he was necessary, but not why I was forced to read him after the rest of the world had already internalized his wretchedly written lessons on presenting the common man. There are others who do it better. Many others.

As a writer, Hemmingway was technically perfect, but failed completely in providing a single plot or theme I could give a rat's ass about.

Faulkner. As a writer, Faulkner was a pretty fair violinist. He should have taken up drinking professionally. Pretended to read "The Hamlet" in High School. Couldn't do it.

Salinger. JD Salinger is a pretentious old fuck who should shampoo my crotch. I cannot imagine why anyone considers him relevant to anything. If he were a pop band, he would be Flock of Seagulls. Two songs, no content.

F. Scott Fitzgerald. Gatsby - It must really suck to be rich. Get over yourself.

Some books I have read that sucked I really enjoyed.

Stephen R. Donaldson has the lousiest command of the english language of any native speaking professional writer that I have ever run across. His metaphors are implausible to impossible, and he tends to use the same 25¢ word a dozen times in as many pages (ineffable is a faorite of his). His dialog is comparable to Ivanhoe translated to Modern English by Stan Lee. His settings, however, are breathtaking, and, if his plots are broadly the same old fairy tale, there is gold in the details.

Jack Chalker is a hack. I have read probably 80% of his stuff, and like it a great deal, but, in the 20 or so books of his I have read, there is one plot. Count 'em. One. Uno. Ein. All he does is keep dressing it up in different clothes. Fortunately, it's a good one.

James Joyce. "How's that working out for you?" "What?" "Being clever." No one doubts that James Joyce was Clever with a capital lever, but there is a point at which one becomes too clever to be understood by anyone else. Joyce is a memorial to exactly how far across that line one could go and still sell books. Yes, PhD theses have been written by the score on Finnegans Wake. There's a lot of eriudition out there about tapeworms too.

Alan Dean Foster. I used to love this guy when I was twelve. I've picked up some of his books agan since. Wow is he ever bad. Nuff Said about him. Christofer Stasheff is one of the same kind.

Robert Ludlam. What I have read of his stuff I have enjoyed, however, you know you've bee reading too much Ludlam when you hear of someone getting shot with a .22 and think "Man, that must've stung!"

To those of you who dissed Stephen King. I know where you're coming from and have been there myself. In 50 years, our great grandkids will have to read his stuff in high school (If they still teach reading at that point.) Cujo almost put me off of him forever too, but the Stand kept me off of him for years, because he will never write anything better. the Dark Tower series, though, comes close, but mostly on pure ghoulish ambiance.

Nostalgic, I know what you're talking about. It's Walter Mosely's foray into science fiction. I havent read it, so I can't comment on it, but it sounds like it came out about the way I would expect a hard bitten mystery writer's first attempt at sci -fi would.

The Bible was written by committee, some of whom were on hallucinagens at the time. Of course it's a lousy read. Also one of the two most pernicious books of all time, (the Qu'ran is the other), but that's a different argument.

08-20-2003, 07:18 PM	#47 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	I read a truely staggering amount, and so I have read a heaping helping of steaming crap in my time. Some I feel I must apologize for disliking though; Vonnegut - I tried reading Slaughterhouse and couldn't. Tried reading "Breakfast of Champions" and couldn't. I've heard the man speak (at college) and even spoken with him briefly (once), but his writing style makes me want to hurl. Phillip Dick - A skilled screenwriter can get a good script out of a Phillip Dick book, but I'll be damned if I get anything out of them but let down. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep may be the single worst book I managed to complete in college. Giving him another chance, I tried The Man In the High Castle which, so far as I could tell, started in the middle and went nowhere of consequence. Colossal waste of time. (This from a man who truely enjoys the Illuminatus trilogy, which has been called the world's longest shaggy dog joke by some.) Pynchon - Gravity's Rainbow Burroughs - Naked Lunch I lump these together because they both managed to revolt me into stopping reading within 100 pages. We all go potty, guys. But I don't send my TP off to my publisher afterwards. Steinbeck was America's greatest typist. I recognize why he was necessary, but not why I was forced to read him after the rest of the world had already internalized his wretchedly written lessons on presenting the common man. There are others who do it better. Many others. As a writer, Hemmingway was technically perfect, but failed completely in providing a single plot or theme I could give a rat's ass about. Faulkner. As a writer, Faulkner was a pretty fair violinist. He should have taken up drinking professionally. Pretended to read "The Hamlet" in High School. Couldn't do it. Salinger. JD Salinger is a pretentious old fuck who should shampoo my crotch. I cannot imagine why anyone considers him relevant to anything. If he were a pop band, he would be Flock of Seagulls. Two songs, no content. F. Scott Fitzgerald. Gatsby - It must really suck to be rich. Get over yourself. Some books I have read that sucked I really enjoyed. Stephen R. Donaldson has the lousiest command of the english language of any native speaking professional writer that I have ever run across. His metaphors are implausible to impossible, and he tends to use the same 25¢ word a dozen times in as many pages (ineffable is a faorite of his). His dialog is comparable to Ivanhoe translated to Modern English by Stan Lee. His settings, however, are breathtaking, and, if his plots are broadly the same old fairy tale, there is gold in the details. Jack Chalker is a hack. I have read probably 80% of his stuff, and like it a great deal, but, in the 20 or so books of his I have read, there is one plot. Count 'em. One. Uno. Ein. All he does is keep dressing it up in different clothes. Fortunately, it's a good one. James Joyce. "How's that working out for you?" "What?" "Being clever." No one doubts that James Joyce was Clever with a capital lever, but there is a point at which one becomes too clever to be understood by anyone else. Joyce is a memorial to exactly how far across that line one could go and still sell books. Yes, PhD theses have been written by the score on Finnegans Wake. There's a lot of eriudition out there about tapeworms too. Alan Dean Foster. I used to love this guy when I was twelve. I've picked up some of his books agan since. Wow is he ever bad. Nuff Said about him. Christofer Stasheff is one of the same kind. Robert Ludlam. What I have read of his stuff I have enjoyed, however, you know you've bee reading too much Ludlam when you hear of someone getting shot with a .22 and think "Man, that must've stung!" To those of you who dissed Stephen King. I know where you're coming from and have been there myself. In 50 years, our great grandkids will have to read his stuff in high school (If they still teach reading at that point.) Cujo almost put me off of him forever too, but the Stand kept me off of him for years, because he will never write anything better. the Dark Tower series, though, comes close, but mostly on pure ghoulish ambiance. Nostalgic, I know what you're talking about. It's Walter Mosely's foray into science fiction. I havent read it, so I can't comment on it, but it sounds like it came out about the way I would expect a hard bitten mystery writer's first attempt at sci -fi would. The Bible was written by committee, some of whom were on hallucinagens at the time. Of course it's a lousy read. Also one of the two most pernicious books of all time, (the Qu'ran is the other), but that's a different argument. __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.