Poetry

Just two things:

It's not a problem. My original post did not complain about male interest, but the execution of said interest. I've found it interesting that the majority of initial responses to my post have been about male sex drive and not male socialization online in regards to obtaining sex, which was the topic I was writing on.

1. All species are designed to continue the species and they do it well. Otherwise, they wouldn't exist.

2. In evo-psych theory, as men are "designed" to pursue sex, women are "designed" to select the best possible father of our offspring.

We do this by evaluating characteristics of the male in question.

Personally, when some guy (whether I know him or not) messages me (as I am remaining on my initial topic of male pursuit of sex through internet channels) "hey, nice pix", he immediately strikes himself off my interest list as he is illustrating himself as a poor choice in partner.

1. He can't spell (or write complete sentences), or can't be bothered to spell, which means he's performing to the best of his ability (which is a sad thing in his case), or he's allowing himself to perform at a low level, which means...

2. He's lazy. Do I want a partner (and sperm donor) who is lazy?

3. He's doing a shotgun approach in trying to get sex from any source by sending out identitical messages to multiple women. This could mean a few things:
A. He's possibly overestimating his appeal to women and aiming high for resulting fantastical failure rates-- which means he cannot accurately gauge himself on the sexual marketplace-- which means he's unaware
B. He doesn't care who responds as long as he gets off-- scraping the bottom of the barrel with low standards, placing sex on a higher pedestal than partner choice and possible offspring-- which could mean no self control or a complete lack of ability to assign levels of value
C. he's successfully getting laid because of his tactics. If he's not extremely rich and good looking or socially high in some way (because, really, if a girl is responding to a "hey, nice pix" message...), then he is getting bottom of the barrel which could mean a few baby mamas (when selecting a partner, do you really want their resources spread among multiple offspring?) or he's placed himself at higher risk for STDs.

4. He can't or does not know how to comport himself online. He's unaware of how he represents himself, which means, at least online, he's not socially savvy. If he's socially savvy in person, then that could mean a low level of adaptability in social situations. Do I want to have a partner I cannot rely on to present himself well in all situations? Do I want to risk the idea that it's a genetic deficiency and pass that onto my offspring?

5. If he is not actually immediately focused on obtaining sex, but perhaps date and then sex (he's a "nicer" guy... awww...), then he has a failure to communicate such information. Do I want a partner that is unaware of what he communicates?

6. If I don't respond immediately, he may message me again and again, having forgotten the first message or badgering me for a response. If he has forgotten the first, he has a poor memory or he's shotgunning entirely too much. If he's badgering, it's creepy. He, again, can't perceive his own creep factor on the social scale-- bad partner choice.

7. He's more than willing to wave his idiot flag (as Roachboy suggested) by making all of the above likely options.


And before I get leaped on for the above, for those who might be in an offended rage, I'm just following evo-psych theory. And my own experience.

I have limited time. I'm a decently attractive female. I get male attention. While it would be nice to be incredibly rich and have all the free time in the world, I work full-time, I'm a college student, I have an active social life, I have goals I'm pursuing outside of school and work.

I don't have time to go through each man who "submits an application" (in life or online) to really determine what he's trying to achieve (if anything) and then determine, after his intentions have been revealed, that he'd be a suitable partner for me.

So while men are checking me out and determining simply based on my body that I am a suitable partner and they're being told that's normal and expected behavior for men... I'm getting berated for evaluating a man's actions by my standards and determining if he's worth my time and my affections. If I say no, if I mock someone's poor execution of seduction (never to their face-- that would be rude), then I'm arrogant and putting too much stock in my own value (AKA looks).

I'm picky, I'm analytical, because I want the best partner I can have-- whether if it's for a one night stand, a recurring sex partner over the course of years, or a boyfriend.

I'm allowed to do that. Whatever I look like, whatever I do with my life, I'm allowed to evaluate a man's actions and how those actions reflect on him and decide if they work for me (and if I work for man in question). And if they're allowed to do the same to me, and say no, I'm not attractive enough, not smart enough, not whatever enough to suit their needs.

And if I pass over a good potential partner because I'm being too picky, then it is my loss. It's a loss I have to be willing to accept. I have spent years slowly constructing a system of evaluation (which, at first, was subconscious, then brought forth through practice) that has mostly done well for me, and in protecting me from bad situations, but I am sure that good men do slip through the cracks and that sometimes I jump to conclusions much too quickly.

On the other hand, I could tell several stories where I went out with someone or engaged with someone because I wanted to be more open and less judgemental and found myself in an awful situation (ages attached because I think it's interesting). I've had three stalkers (one at 15, 18, and 19), two less threatening than the one. I've been date raped (18). I've had a boyfriend beat me (18). Most recently, over a year ago, I had to use all of my experience with men to get a man to not rape me... and it came close (27). Close enough that it still hovers in the back of my brain.

But, if you look at the ages I've attached to each "incident"... there's a significant decline of events once I hit 20.

Because things happen over the years and we learn, whether we realize it or not, what signals others give off. We create associations that may or may not be accurate, but they are what makes us feel safe, feel aware and make the best choices we can for ourselves-- whether or not they are actually right.

And this got really long. Ah well.

__________________
"You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"