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I would admit that I do suffer from periods of depression, but it isnt all the time. I am not sure that there is any other way. Certainly when I look at my mother, on anti depressants, it doesnt seem to make her happy, just unable to cope without them. I dont want to be on some medication to change my mood or alter my feelings. I think I just accept sometime I get negative and angry and disengaged with everything.
On the weight thing, I think it is true that it knocks my self confidence a lot. Sometimes I dont care about how I look, other times I feel ashamed to walk into a room or for people to look at me. I guess that is something that is easier to do something about, but Ive been complaining about it for years.
I decided to do something about that side of things anyway. I wrote out a meal plan for a whole month and have just sort of told myself "just stick to this for one month, see if it makes a difference and if it does make a difference see if its worth it"... so far four days but if I go a month and lose 20 lbs or something, maybe I will start to feel better in myself, or at least have the motivation to lose enough weight to not feel like a fat vicious pig. Obvously I cant help having a big scar in the middle of my head. But maybe that isnt so bad. Harry Potter had one and it didnt hold him back.
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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