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Marshmellofluff · 06-02-2011, 01:01 PM

So, I just got a call from a good friend today letting me know that a mutual friend of ours is planning a surprise party for my 21st tomorrow. I know a lot of people might think it's lame of her to ruin the surprise but I am SO glad she did because I am not the type of person who likes surprise parties.

For one thing, I prefer small gatherings of about 8-10 people, and according to my friend the guest list is upwards of thirty. For another, she invited people via facebook, and for the small gathering I was plannign there are two friends I wanted there who are NOT on facebook. For another, she has invited everyone from an organization we work in together. The kicker? I really don't care for most of them. They are all cheap, loud and immature. On top of that half of them are under 21 and she is inviting them to an establishment that starts carding at eight! Apparently she wants to 'sneak them in at seven'. This seems ridiculous to me. On top of that she has made no effort to check my schedule, my boyfriend and I moved this week and we still need to put things away, and my grandother needs help around her house this week end too (I had already volunteered to help her and she has company coming).

I know it seems ungrateful but I just feel pissed off that she CLEARLY hasn't listened to a word I said about my birthday. In fact, I feel like she is planning this more for her than for me. I've told her many times how I suffer from anxiety attacks and I HATE unplanned situations that I'm not in control of, and yet she does this?

At this point since the party is tomorrow I know I have to suck it up and go, because there's no calling it off. Still, she's done this for other people before and I feel like someone needs to tell her to stop meddling and to pay more attention to what people really want. The problem is she is EXTREMELY sensitive. I'm pretty sure if I tell her I didn't want the party she'll cry. I know in her heart she just wants everyone to have a good day, but I just can't believe she would do this.

One of the girls she invited I truly despise and she KNOWS this and yet still invited her. Why would she do this?

I need advice on how to gently break to her that in the future I (and I'm sure most people) would prefer to be consulted about matters like this. Any suggestions?

06-02-2011, 01:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
Marshmellofluff Upright	Unwanted surpise party + sensitive friend So, I just got a call from a good friend today letting me know that a mutual friend of ours is planning a surprise party for my 21st tomorrow. I know a lot of people might think it's lame of her to ruin the surprise but I am SO glad she did because I am not the type of person who likes surprise parties. For one thing, I prefer small gatherings of about 8-10 people, and according to my friend the guest list is upwards of thirty. For another, she invited people via facebook, and for the small gathering I was plannign there are two friends I wanted there who are NOT on facebook. For another, she has invited everyone from an organization we work in together. The kicker? I really don't care for most of them. They are all cheap, loud and immature. On top of that half of them are under 21 and she is inviting them to an establishment that starts carding at eight! Apparently she wants to 'sneak them in at seven'. This seems ridiculous to me. On top of that she has made no effort to check my schedule, my boyfriend and I moved this week and we still need to put things away, and my grandother needs help around her house this week end too (I had already volunteered to help her and she has company coming). I know it seems ungrateful but I just feel pissed off that she CLEARLY hasn't listened to a word I said about my birthday. In fact, I feel like she is planning this more for her than for me. I've told her many times how I suffer from anxiety attacks and I HATE unplanned situations that I'm not in control of, and yet she does this? At this point since the party is tomorrow I know I have to suck it up and go, because there's no calling it off. Still, she's done this for other people before and I feel like someone needs to tell her to stop meddling and to pay more attention to what people really want. The problem is she is EXTREMELY sensitive. I'm pretty sure if I tell her I didn't want the party she'll cry. I know in her heart she just wants everyone to have a good day, but I just can't believe she would do this. One of the girls she invited I truly despise and she KNOWS this and yet still invited her. Why would she do this? I need advice on how to gently break to her that in the future I (and I'm sure most people) would prefer to be consulted about matters like this. Any suggestions?