Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - fucking fingering that might lead to a fucked up pregnancy !!!! we are doomed

Poetry · 05-09-2011, 08:08 PM

Goofy,

Just in case this is an actual serious post...

1. She wouldn't be getting symptoms yet. She's being psychosomatic. Her stomach wouldn't even be stretching for a couple more months. Tell her to knock it off.

2. The only way she could -possibly- be pregnant is if you had your fingers covered in your own semen and nearly immediately fingered her, and did it deep. The semen needs to get into the seminal pool, the cervix has to descend and pick it up, it has to fight its way through what are basically vaginal catacombs and chemicals that are there to kill and confuse all your wandering spermlets, most of which are unable to fertilize anyway as they have other design purposes (most of which wouldn't be used due to her hopefully not having some other dude finger his spermlets in there recently).

3. Stop with the spaz. She's not pregnant.

Excessive Public Service Announcement for Uneducated Youths
(AKA: What I wish they told us in high school, as it would have made my life easier)

-When you start having sex, use condoms-- even if she's on birth control.

-Get Gardasil for yourself-- it's worth it. Yes, men can get it, don't let your doctor tell you otherwise.

-Don't buy Magum condoms if you aren't a large specimen. It looks impressive at the counter, but it's kinda pathetic when they fall off mid-coitus.

-Keep a ready dose of Plan B at your place and make sure to replace it when it expires. It's not fun driving around at night looking for a Rite-Aid and panicking. Do not use Plan B as your general catch-all, it does eventually start wrecking the body.

-Don't keep condoms in hot places or in a wallet-- the rubbing weakens them and can cause them to break.

-Just because she's on her period does not mean she can't get pregnant. This isn't happy-safe non-condom time.

-If you're dating a nutjob that you want to break up with but she desperately wants you, flush the condoms after sex-- otherwise she could go digging them up for impregnation purposes once you leave or fall asleep.

-Use a lot of lube for anal, just so you don't tear anything.

-When a girl is going down on you, don't bounce her head up and down like she's a basketball. It's rude and it kills the blowjob technique. You can get that rhythm with your hand, enjoy the head while you've got someone to do it.

-Make sure to lock your door if you live at home and are having sex with someone. When parents enter, it's awkward.

-Don't take condoms at communal party bowls-- some people think they're fun to fuck with.

-Get numbers of people you sleep with, then test regularly. If you catch someone, be polite and call girls to let them know to test so you don't contribute to the Mass Syphillis Outbreak of 2012.

-When you go down on someone for the first time, try to do it in good light so you can check for sores. HPV can cause cancer even in your throat.

-Side note: Yes, you can get HPV anally. Anal warts... yum. Yes, go get that Gardasil now.

-Yes, there are two types of herpes. Yes, they do vertically transfer. HSV1 ("oral") can get on your junk. HSV2 ("genital") can get in your mouth.

-If you start having sex with someone regularly, make sure they are on the same page as you when it comes to unwanted pregnancy. Sucks to find out after the fact that your partner is massively against abortion when you thought it was an easy solution.

Uh.... the more you know?

05-09-2011, 08:08 PM	#11 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	Goofy, Just in case this is an actual serious post... 1. She wouldn't be getting symptoms yet. She's being psychosomatic. Her stomach wouldn't even be stretching for a couple more months. Tell her to knock it off. 2. The only way she could -possibly- be pregnant is if you had your fingers covered in your own semen and nearly immediately fingered her, and did it deep. The semen needs to get into the seminal pool, the cervix has to descend and pick it up, it has to fight its way through what are basically vaginal catacombs and chemicals that are there to kill and confuse all your wandering spermlets, most of which are unable to fertilize anyway as they have other design purposes (most of which wouldn't be used due to her hopefully not having some other dude finger his spermlets in there recently). 3. Stop with the spaz. She's not pregnant. Excessive Public Service Announcement for Uneducated Youths (AKA: What I wish they told us in high school, as it would have made my life easier) -When you start having sex, use condoms-- even if she's on birth control. -Get Gardasil for yourself-- it's worth it. Yes, men can get it, don't let your doctor tell you otherwise. -Don't buy Magum condoms if you aren't a large specimen. It looks impressive at the counter, but it's kinda pathetic when they fall off mid-coitus. -Keep a ready dose of Plan B at your place and make sure to replace it when it expires. It's not fun driving around at night looking for a Rite-Aid and panicking. Do not use Plan B as your general catch-all, it does eventually start wrecking the body. -Don't keep condoms in hot places or in a wallet-- the rubbing weakens them and can cause them to break. -Just because she's on her period does not mean she can't get pregnant. This isn't happy-safe non-condom time. -If you're dating a nutjob that you want to break up with but she desperately wants you, flush the condoms after sex-- otherwise she could go digging them up for impregnation purposes once you leave or fall asleep. -Use a lot of lube for anal, just so you don't tear anything. -When a girl is going down on you, don't bounce her head up and down like she's a basketball. It's rude and it kills the blowjob technique. You can get that rhythm with your hand, enjoy the head while you've got someone to do it. -Make sure to lock your door if you live at home and are having sex with someone. When parents enter, it's awkward. -Don't take condoms at communal party bowls-- some people think they're fun to fuck with. -Get numbers of people you sleep with, then test regularly. If you catch someone, be polite and call girls to let them know to test so you don't contribute to the Mass Syphillis Outbreak of 2012. -When you go down on someone for the first time, try to do it in good light so you can check for sores. HPV can cause cancer even in your throat. -Side note: Yes, you can get HPV anally. Anal warts... yum. Yes, go get that Gardasil now. -Yes, there are two types of herpes. Yes, they do vertically transfer. HSV1 ("oral") can get on your junk. HSV2 ("genital") can get in your mouth. -If you start having sex with someone regularly, make sure they are on the same page as you when it comes to unwanted pregnancy. Sucks to find out after the fact that your partner is massively against abortion when you thought it was an easy solution. Uh.... the more you know? __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"