Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - irresponsible SO... thinking of ending it

TigerBlood · 03-18-2011, 06:33 PM

I dearly love my SO, but am beginning to think that the irresponsible behavior is something I can't live with for the rest of my life. For reference, we have been together for over four years, and are planning engagement, marriage, and happily ever after. I think our relationship is healthy, but like in any relationship, you eventually realize that the other person has traits that might not be desirable... like nose-picking, maybe. And you have to weigh if that is tolerable long-term.

Lets take the most recent example of what I'm talking about when I say irresponsibility: Moving in and getting on the lease.

SO moved in with me in September 2010. I explained at that time that it was a violation of my lease to have a person there who was not accounted for by the landlady on proper paperwork. I downloaded the roommate application and wrote the necessary steps for SO to complete the task. SO kept promising to take the paperwork over to the office, but never actually did until February after much nagging and arguing. (that's 6 months to fill out a form, write a check, and mail it in or drop it off)

SO finally drops off the paperwork. But then I get a call from the landlady saying SO did not fill it out completely, or write the check. SO swears it will be done by a deadline. SO fails again at the task, and we have a HUGE fight, and I kick SO out and say SO may not communicate with me until the task is completed. (SO has a house in another city about an hour away, so there's no street living going on here).

SO comes to senses, pays the application fee, and everything goes back to rainbows and sunshine. Cue email from landlady: "Both of you sign, and please return attached paperwork for roommate addition." I wait to see what SO does... SO ignores the email for two weeks. I ask SO to please take care of this issue, as I am traveling for work and can't do it. SO swears it will be done before today (18 March). SO again fails the task, and today I get a nasty-gram from the landlady.

I really dislike this situation, because I'd like to keep a good relationship with the landlady, and I think SO's behavior is reflecting poorly on me. I'm beginning to think this drama isn't something I need in my life, and am seriously reconsidering continuing the relationship with SO. Am I over-reacting, or is my frustration reasonable? I don't understand why SO just cannot get it done, especially when SO has classes 3x per week only a few miles from the landlady's office!

Now, I recognize that I bear a good part of the blame in the rental situation, because I should have insisted that SO complete the paperwork FIRST, before moving in. However, this is a pattern in SO's life. (Hindsight being 20/20, of course!) Other examples of irresponsibility include forgetting to do job required continuing education and being sent home without pay until it was complete, and forgetting to file taxes on time last year and getting fined. FYI - SO is 40ish, so this apparent absent mindedness or apathy isn't going to change. Anyone else experiencing a similar situation? How do you deal? How do you know if its time to just cut loose?

03-18-2011, 06:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
TigerBlood Banned Location: Nova	irresponsible SO... thinking of ending it I dearly love my SO, but am beginning to think that the irresponsible behavior is something I can't live with for the rest of my life. For reference, we have been together for over four years, and are planning engagement, marriage, and happily ever after. I think our relationship is healthy, but like in any relationship, you eventually realize that the other person has traits that might not be desirable... like nose-picking, maybe. And you have to weigh if that is tolerable long-term. Lets take the most recent example of what I'm talking about when I say irresponsibility: Moving in and getting on the lease. SO moved in with me in September 2010. I explained at that time that it was a violation of my lease to have a person there who was not accounted for by the landlady on proper paperwork. I downloaded the roommate application and wrote the necessary steps for SO to complete the task. SO kept promising to take the paperwork over to the office, but never actually did until February after much nagging and arguing. (that's 6 months to fill out a form, write a check, and mail it in or drop it off) SO finally drops off the paperwork. But then I get a call from the landlady saying SO did not fill it out completely, or write the check. SO swears it will be done by a deadline. SO fails again at the task, and we have a HUGE fight, and I kick SO out and say SO may not communicate with me until the task is completed. (SO has a house in another city about an hour away, so there's no street living going on here). SO comes to senses, pays the application fee, and everything goes back to rainbows and sunshine. Cue email from landlady: "Both of you sign, and please return attached paperwork for roommate addition." I wait to see what SO does... SO ignores the email for two weeks. I ask SO to please take care of this issue, as I am traveling for work and can't do it. SO swears it will be done before today (18 March). SO again fails the task, and today I get a nasty-gram from the landlady. I really dislike this situation, because I'd like to keep a good relationship with the landlady, and I think SO's behavior is reflecting poorly on me. I'm beginning to think this drama isn't something I need in my life, and am seriously reconsidering continuing the relationship with SO. Am I over-reacting, or is my frustration reasonable? I don't understand why SO just cannot get it done, especially when SO has classes 3x per week only a few miles from the landlady's office! Now, I recognize that I bear a good part of the blame in the rental situation, because I should have insisted that SO complete the paperwork FIRST, before moving in. However, this is a pattern in SO's life. (Hindsight being 20/20, of course!) Other examples of irresponsibility include forgetting to do job required continuing education and being sent home without pay until it was complete, and forgetting to file taxes on time last year and getting fined. FYI - SO is 40ish, so this apparent absent mindedness or apathy isn't going to change. Anyone else experiencing a similar situation? How do you deal? How do you know if its time to just cut loose?