Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Death of a friend... don't want to go to the services

lunxpress · 11-20-2010, 05:48 PM

Very sorry about your loss.

I don’t believe in closure. And seeing your friend won’t help you to grieve. Grief is a process that unfolds over time that does not really have the “end” that closure suggests. It may lighten over time, but loss is still loss and is unfixable. It just evolves into something else.

But this is not about you. It is about being mature and caring and sucking it up. Nobody wants to go to funerals. We go, because it is the right thing to do and our presence really does matter. Even if nobody remembers. It still matters in principal.

I also remember and appreciated everyone who took the time out to stop in and tell stories or extend a hand, when I lost a close relative. I treasured the personal notes I received and appreciated the effort it took for some people to come.

I really think it takes little energy on your part to go. It may be hard for you, but I bet it will be much harder for her 2 young children. Perhaps you can offer them some comfort.

At least you still can.

11-20-2010, 05:48 PM	#8 (permalink)
lunxpress Tilted Location: Here	Very sorry about your loss. I don’t believe in closure. And seeing your friend won’t help you to grieve. Grief is a process that unfolds over time that does not really have the “end” that closure suggests. It may lighten over time, but loss is still loss and is unfixable. It just evolves into something else. But this is not about you. It is about being mature and caring and sucking it up. Nobody wants to go to funerals. We go, because it is the right thing to do and our presence really does matter. Even if nobody remembers. It still matters in principal. I also remember and appreciated everyone who took the time out to stop in and tell stories or extend a hand, when I lost a close relative. I treasured the personal notes I received and appreciated the effort it took for some people to come. I really think it takes little energy on your part to go. It may be hard for you, but I bet it will be much harder for her 2 young children. Perhaps you can offer them some comfort. At least you still can.