Dear high-powered business person,
I love my new job. Honestly, I do. I've been here two weeks and so far it's been challenging and fun. I've clicked with my co-workers well enough that I already feel like one of the guys most days. And yeah, it does make me feel good that your MBA self has to call me to get something done. I've worked hard on developing the skillset I have, I know it's rare enough to make me valuable and that feels pretty good.
But if anything is going to make me hate this gig in a year, it's going to be you.
Your domain expired because you didn't get the emails to renew it. You didn't get the emails because when Joe Sysadmin left your company last year you didn't update your contact info at the registry. And now we have to fill out the forms if you want it back. Yes, we need incorporation documents. Yes, we need photo ID. Yes it has to be faxed and signed and faxed again, and yes we need a letter of intent as well. These aren't even our rules, so getting huffy about it isn't going to help your cause.
None of this is my fault. Yelling at me will not expedite the process. And you know what? I don't have to listen to this shit. Maybe you're used to customer service lackeys you can browbeat into submission but I'm not them. I am a skilled labourer, I have better things to do with my day, I have people who are going to work with me to get their problems solved. If you're not one of those people I'm perfectly content to tell you that we've done everything we can here and take your hopefully more contrite call tomorrow when you realize that I am the one and only guy who can solve your problem.
To be clear, this is your own goddamn fault. I don't care how urgent it is, and I don't care how much money it's costing you. If you'd taken the time to fill out the change of contact info when you should've this would not have been a problem.
So suck it up, princess. See if you can find it in your shriveled, misshapen heart to show a little courtesy. Do everything I tell you exactly how I tell you to because I am the professional who does this for a living, and maybe if you're lucky and all the wheels are greased we can have this done some time next week.
You don't like the way we do business? You think you'll have better luck elsewhere? Fine. Go with godaddy, where they do have clueless monkeys on the phone, and good luck to you. Somehow I think we'll get by on our thousands of satisfied customers who are willing to pay the premium for experience and expertise. My heart will go on without you.
Haveaniceday.
__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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