Aide: Mr Hayward, how are we going to convince people that we’re doing all we can? They already know we low-balled the amount of oil leaking by a factor of ten, and beaches and marshlands are covered in oil. Now that we’re responsible for the worst ecological disaster in U.S. history, we have to get out in front of this.

Hayward: I think we just need a new tagline. Something catchy.

Aide: But sir, there’s more than a million gallons of oil leaking into the Gulf of Mexico every day. It’s nearly an Exxon Valdez spilled each week. And our booms aren’t working, probably because we didn’t lay them correctly.

Hayward: Hmm. Alright, how about “BP. Bringing Oil To America’s Shores.”

Aide: It’s not.. sir. We need more than a new logo. The flow of oil can’t be stopped, probably not for months, if ever. There’s 2.5 billion gallons in that reservoir, and it all wants out. we punched a hole in the earth, and we had no plan if it went wrong.

Hayward: Well, how about “BP. Unlimited Refills.”

Aide: Sir, I really think-

Hayward: ”BP. More Oil Than You Will Ever Need.”

Aide: Sir. We can’t just fight this with PR. We need a real plan. Or we need to admit this is beyond anyone’s ability to fix or even control. Everyone thinks we’re incompetent. You just told people there aren’t massive plumes of oil hidden under the water, even though many separate groups of scientists have confirmed the opposite. This isn’t Nigeria, sir, where we can spill millions of gallons of oil year after year and no one notices. We can’t sweep this under the rug here.

Hayward: Fine then. “BP. You Want Oil? Then You’re Stuck With Us. Suck it.”

Aide: … Ok that might work.