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I am sorry for you.
First off, relationship is a two way street and is about concessions by both sides, and from what it sounds like you feel it is a one way street. As well in a healthy relationship there has to be open communication. I do not look at my wife's email, texts, etc... But truth is I know her password and she mine and we would never intrude on each other privacy. But in a relationship the privacy line is not where it is when you are single.
What you need to do is start being a bit more selfish, and do some stuff for yourself. You need to get you both in to therapy, and realize therapy is not about changing her or you, it is about learning how to accept and deal with each other.
But if she is not willing to meet you halfway then you may have to consider your options and what you are willing to accept, primarily due to the children which makes the options all more difficult.
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