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Originally Posted by Walt
Well played. And I see where you're coming from, though I think we are approaching this in different ways. You are focusing on early prevention (which I agree with), though I have something of a philosophical problem with asking anyone to modify their behavior so that they will fit in. If a person lacks the ability to be a functioning member of society, then I'm all for teaching them the skills to live a fruitful and productive life. But if they are just kids who are happily doing their own thing, then let them be an individual.
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It's not as much modifying behavior to fit in as much as it is teaching a child to be more perceptive. Ultimately, it's not changing who the child is at his or her core, it's just adding a skill set that will help them. It's like giving the child piano lessons so he or she will be good at math or teaching conflict resolution so he or she won't get into fights. Reading nonverbal cues, understanding their social meaning, and coming up with options for resolving a social conflict are just skills. Helping a child become skillful at life is a primary role of parenting, imho.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt
The problem I see with the “early prevention” thing - when focused on the bully - is that it requires the parents to actually give a shit and the bully to be willing to make some sort of behavioral change. Some people are just violent dicks who will go out of their way to fuck up your day. The world is full of such people. That’s why I put less faith in preventative behavioral modification and more in an immediate response to bullying.
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I'm not suggesting that kids shouldn't know how to defend themselves, but the best way to deal with this has to be prevention.
Regarding the bullies themselves, there are likely a host of failures at home and school that have already lead up to the child becoming a bully. Addressing those could fill a hundred threads like this one.