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"Evening from the flight deck, this is your Captain John Cone, callsign "Wang." I'm assisted by First Officer Ambiguous. We'll be cruising at an altitude of 34,000 feet and I'm going to go ahead and leave the fasten seatbelt sign on for the duration, as my giant wang cone has the tendency to upset the yoke. So sit back, relax, and try not to think of my hardon piloting this craft."
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One, two, three, four, fiiiiiiiifth.
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