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It's clearly not about cheating, it's about deceit. If you have an agreement with your partner, in terms of what you both are and aren't ok with, regardless of how limiting or open this agreement is, and you have been clear about it all, then if they still go against that agreement without first being honest with you, obviously they are betraying your trust. Once trust is broken, it's quite hard to regain it. I have been in that position once and I tried really hard to go past it. But my gut reaction as the time was to tell him it was over and I should probably have stuck to that. In the end we dragged the relationship on for quite a while but I was never able to trust him the same way again, no matter how much I cared about him and wanted to be able to.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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