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Anonymous Member · 07-31-2009, 04:36 AM

thanks for all the replies, this place is awesome

i understand where everyone is coming from, it doesnt make a whole lot of sense unless you know our history.

i used to be super shy and very self conscious and was socially disabled. i grew out of it and now that i am settled, i have even more confidence in myself and my life. i got married because it was the easy thing to do. i dated her and married her because it was habit, not because i was truly in love with her. i love her because weve been together for a long time and thats it. there is no more spark. i dont look forward to sex even though the sex isnt bad. i am a negative person at heart, very analytical about everything and i need someone to cheer me up basically. shes a negative person as well, though shes not rude or mean or anything, shes simply battled the same problems that i used to have her whole life, and im passed them now and want a positive person to be around.

for years now ive been numb. numb to everything. i feel trapped in my relationship. i never look forward to anything. i haven't felt that "high in life" feeling you get on a weekend in years. i recklessly spend money trying to get happy but it always fails. i feel like now that ive sorted out my insecurity issues, my life is already over. just waiting to die right now. i think i may be depressed.

yes ive talked to her about all of this, a few times in a explosion of feelings and crying. we always make up and then a month later im depressed again. it feels like i never got to experience life as who i really am. i want to know what its like to be with an extroverted person, someone who can give me a new perspective on life, not someone to bring me down, someone i married out of habit and because i was afraid to hurt her and her family.

like i said before it's not truly about the sex -- our sex life is pretty good. we have sex twice a week at least and its decent every time but i am never in the mood. i have to force myself to get turned on. i used to enjoy oral sex but now i can barely stay hard during it (this started when i started to feel depressed years ago).

it just feels like im wasting away. i need social interaction with other people and my wife watches me like a hawk if i talk to anyone else, much less if the other person is a female (she thinks im gonna cheat on her all the time, i cant blame her, though i would never do that because i know it won't solve anything). i need someone in my life that i can look at and be turned on, look at and be cheered up, look at and enjoy life. right now i see her and all i think about is how this is what im with till i die. and then i come and bitch about it here.

07-31-2009, 04:36 AM	#27 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	thanks for all the replies, this place is awesome i understand where everyone is coming from, it doesnt make a whole lot of sense unless you know our history. i used to be super shy and very self conscious and was socially disabled. i grew out of it and now that i am settled, i have even more confidence in myself and my life. i got married because it was the easy thing to do. i dated her and married her because it was habit, not because i was truly in love with her. i love her because weve been together for a long time and thats it. there is no more spark. i dont look forward to sex even though the sex isnt bad. i am a negative person at heart, very analytical about everything and i need someone to cheer me up basically. shes a negative person as well, though shes not rude or mean or anything, shes simply battled the same problems that i used to have her whole life, and im passed them now and want a positive person to be around. for years now ive been numb. numb to everything. i feel trapped in my relationship. i never look forward to anything. i haven't felt that "high in life" feeling you get on a weekend in years. i recklessly spend money trying to get happy but it always fails. i feel like now that ive sorted out my insecurity issues, my life is already over. just waiting to die right now. i think i may be depressed. yes ive talked to her about all of this, a few times in a explosion of feelings and crying. we always make up and then a month later im depressed again. it feels like i never got to experience life as who i really am. i want to know what its like to be with an extroverted person, someone who can give me a new perspective on life, not someone to bring me down, someone i married out of habit and because i was afraid to hurt her and her family. like i said before it's not truly about the sex -- our sex life is pretty good. we have sex twice a week at least and its decent every time but i am never in the mood. i have to force myself to get turned on. i used to enjoy oral sex but now i can barely stay hard during it (this started when i started to feel depressed years ago). it just feels like im wasting away. i need social interaction with other people and my wife watches me like a hawk if i talk to anyone else, much less if the other person is a female (she thinks im gonna cheat on her all the time, i cant blame her, though i would never do that because i know it won't solve anything). i need someone in my life that i can look at and be turned on, look at and be cheered up, look at and enjoy life. right now i see her and all i think about is how this is what im with till i die. and then i come and bitch about it here.