When my mom died suddenly this past January it hit me hard - real hard. I started having trouble getting up in the mornings, not wanting to get out of bed and do ANYTHING, feeling everything and nothing all at the same time and I suddenly started having specific panic attacks - only when the covers would get pulled up over my head while we were in bed. Instantaneous blind panic.
We have a program at work that offers free counseling with a licensed therapist - for anything you want to talk about. I finally went and set up an appointment.
Little did I know that my problems went back further than just my moms death. I thought EVERYONE had several days each month where they just didn't want to get up and face the world. I was never suicidal - never thought of killing myself so I thought my "blue" feelings were just normal.
After talking with the therapist and my doctor I decided to try the drug route. My hub and I did some research online about the different depression meds and, with my doc's ok, we picked Wellbutrin.
I can't begin to tell you the difference I feel! My emotions have balance where as before I could feel myself tip from one end ogf the emtional spectrum to the other.
I was very reluctant at first to take drugs that "messed with your mind, affected the way you think, act and feel" and all that other stuff. But I can tell you (for me) it's not like that. It doesn't change the way you act. Anyone out there have or ever had a swimming pool? You know how you have to test the water every day to see how the PH is? Sometimes it's too high, sometimes too low. You add the right amount of chemicals to balance it out and make the pool a good place.
That's kinda how I see the meds I take. Do I still get sad? Oh yeah. I also still cry sometimes just thinking about Mom. But I haven't had a "I don't want to get out of bed" day since I started the meds.
After having been on them for a couple months I asked the doctor if I could increase the dosage to see if it would help more. She said yes, I tried it and found it increased my blood pressure alot. So I'm back to a once a day dose.
I wasn't tested to see if I had a chemical imbalance - didn't know they could do that.
There really is nothing to be ashamed about going and talking to someone about your mental health. Hell, if you arm hurt alot for days you wouldn't think twice about seeking a doctors opinion. Your brain is the center of your being, it keeps you alive and yet we here in the US seem to have a stigma about mental health professionals.
It's a prt of your body and it might not be working right. Getting it checked is a goiod thing!
