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Martian · 05-24-2009, 11:10 PM

I think you're coming to the right conclusion, but for the wrong reasons.

First, let's get the obvious out of the way. The reason people keep telling you you're not over your ex is.. because you're not over your ex.

You want to know what the sign is?

Here's how I knew I was over my first love -- the day I could sit and think about the good times we had without feeling any pain or regret. I know I did and said some stupid things, especially towards the end. I wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could with the tools I had. We had some good times, and once I really, truly accepted it was over I was able to think about those times and not feel the sad or hurt. I knew then that even if I'd had the chance I would never go back to that. It's in the past. I'm not the boy I was in those days, and I sincerely doubt she's the same girl. I don't Google her, or wonder what she's up to, or who she's with. She doesn't often come up in conversation these days, and certainly not with Magpie. I'm not ashamed of those times, or trying to hide them. It's just not relevant, and it's not really something I can share. It's a keepsake, but it has no impact on my current relationship.

That's how I knew. It's not an instantaneous thing. It's a gradual process, and nobody can tell you if it'll take a month or a year or a decade. You'll be done when you're done and that's all there is to it.

Someone once told me that losing a relationship is a lot like losing a loved one. You grieve, you feel anger and regret and sadness. And eventually you get past it and you remember what you had with fondness.

So yeah. Ditch the dating sites. Don't go on the prowl. These things are not productive and will not help you get to where you need to be.

I think ratbastid is right. I think something is holding you back. I don't know what it is; how the hell should I? It seems readily apparent that you don't know yourself. Here's the part that hasn't been said, though -- whatever it is, it's gone. That train has left the station. Your past relationship needs to be left in the past. That's where it belongs, and you'll never move on as long as you keep carrying it around with you. Whatever it is, whatever you left unsaid or whatever you regret, you need to let go of it. I can't tell you how to do that, but I'm confident that sooner or later you'll figure it out for yourself.

I've had a lot of 'relationships.' Some were about companionship, some were about just plain sex. Some were just flings. I've been in love twice. The first woman broke my heart. I never thought I'd be whole again. I never thought anyone else could come along and make me happy the way she did. In a sense, I was right; the woman I love now makes me happy in a completely different way. There's no comparison to be made, because what I have now and what I had then are so utterly different. What I had then worked well for who I was at the time, and what I have now works for who I am today.

Time does not heal any wounds. We heal the wounds ourselves. It just takes time, if you can dig it.

05-24-2009, 11:10 PM	#18 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	I think you're coming to the right conclusion, but for the wrong reasons. First, let's get the obvious out of the way. The reason people keep telling you you're not over your ex is.. because you're not over your ex. You want to know what the sign is? Here's how I knew I was over my first love -- the day I could sit and think about the good times we had without feeling any pain or regret. I know I did and said some stupid things, especially towards the end. I wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could with the tools I had. We had some good times, and once I really, truly accepted it was over I was able to think about those times and not feel the sad or hurt. I knew then that even if I'd had the chance I would never go back to that. It's in the past. I'm not the boy I was in those days, and I sincerely doubt she's the same girl. I don't Google her, or wonder what she's up to, or who she's with. She doesn't often come up in conversation these days, and certainly not with Magpie. I'm not ashamed of those times, or trying to hide them. It's just not relevant, and it's not really something I can share. It's a keepsake, but it has no impact on my current relationship. That's how I knew. It's not an instantaneous thing. It's a gradual process, and nobody can tell you if it'll take a month or a year or a decade. You'll be done when you're done and that's all there is to it. Someone once told me that losing a relationship is a lot like losing a loved one. You grieve, you feel anger and regret and sadness. And eventually you get past it and you remember what you had with fondness. So yeah. Ditch the dating sites. Don't go on the prowl. These things are not productive and will not help you get to where you need to be. I think ratbastid is right. I think something is holding you back. I don't know what it is; how the hell should I? It seems readily apparent that you don't know yourself. Here's the part that hasn't been said, though -- whatever it is, it's gone. That train has left the station. Your past relationship needs to be left in the past. That's where it belongs, and you'll never move on as long as you keep carrying it around with you. Whatever it is, whatever you left unsaid or whatever you regret, you need to let go of it. I can't tell you how to do that, but I'm confident that sooner or later you'll figure it out for yourself. I've had a lot of 'relationships.' Some were about companionship, some were about just plain sex. Some were just flings. I've been in love twice. The first woman broke my heart. I never thought I'd be whole again. I never thought anyone else could come along and make me happy the way she did. In a sense, I was right; the woman I love now makes me happy in a completely different way. There's no comparison to be made, because what I have now and what I had then are so utterly different. What I had then worked well for who I was at the time, and what I have now works for who I am today. Time does not heal any wounds. We heal the wounds ourselves. It just takes time, if you can dig it. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame