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Your formal act of defection (which I didn't notice before) sounds like an honorable position. Most Catholics that I know who are no longer active just "lapsed", chose to faded away, rather than formally defect. I had great experiences while in the church, particularly in high school (a Jesuit school), but I have such fundamental disagreements with the faith now that I'm no longer active. (I have "faded away").
Your position regarding your child's baptism sounds reasonable as well. Your wife's still active in the Church? Were you surprised by your wife's reaction? And your reaction to your child's baptism? I'm not sure how I would feel about my kids being baptized.
By the way, congratulations on the birth of your child! I don't know if you mentioned in any previous posts or not.
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