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There really was a Santa Claus. He got stuck in a chimmney in Bittberg in 1708, just before they lit a fire, and he Asphixiated while trying to deliver sugarplums. On the plus size, the sugary plums glazed and marinated him nicely, leaving him sweet, piquant, smokey, and delicious.
I wish I were at all times attended by no fewer than three young, tall, beautiful, busty, and throroughly sexually uninhibited women of diverse character and race, all of whom want nothing better than a word from me to have sex with me or each other.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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