Originally Posted by punkmusicfan21

Here is kind of an aside; it has little to do with what the original post says but a reaction to what you just said:

Well lets put it this way Am; lets say that life is full of blind spots, like in a car, and those are the reasons you feel fucked up over things. You just keep backing up and running into shit and then saying "FUCK! Well, now I know it's there" and it'll keep happening over and over again. You can't solve them because you don't know it's there, etc. So you saying your in denial is like me saying I'm fat. It's the worst kind of bullshit because it sounds like you are self aware when really it just sounds like the intelligent self aware thing to say. "I'm in a bad situation, I should say I'm in denial and trying to change it".

Here's the problem with that. You are here not to solve it, but to fix it, like you said. Two totally different things. The difference being patching things or tossing it when you have to. You don't want to toss it, you want to fix it. Maybe you can't though, and yeah, in that way you're in denial, but its one you are unaware of. So let's clear it up man. You don't need to be aware of the problem. Over thinking shit only makes things less clear, and gives you less power. Makes things cluttered. The reason it makes things cluttered, in my opinion, is because "fixing" is simply putting up a filter to see the world through. People think saying "I've learned my lesson; don't fuck with [blank]" is fixing it when really it's just adding another block of shit you carry on you everywhere. And everyone can see it. Most people misinturpret it but they still see something is there.

So how do you fix it. You think it's you which it seems it's not unless you were dishonest with her about how you felt in the first place (which it kind of seems you were). So it's both of your faults. C'est la vie man. You can't fix it. You can't just fix it. It happened, it's different, life does that. It's simply shitty but it's simply true. Somethings in life are like that.

You can adapt though. Learn from it. Maybe you don't like that you are a bad lover and maybe you want a more sexually satisfying relationship (sounds like it). Maybe you want more of an equal stake in a relationship and not feel like you are the needy one (sounds like it). Maybe you need to be a better man for yourself but you never succeed in doing so because you try to do it for others (sounds like it). Take the good person you are and instead of trying to build on it, clutter it further, look at it a different way. Think of it like a full room. I'm not trying to give you more shit to push into that tiny fucking room, already packed with beliefs and needs and human behaviors. I'm just trying to show you there are more then one door. Open some windows. Shit, there's another room and it's adjoining.

I don't have any advice to further this specific case but that is certainly what I see from you as a person; just reading what you put which means there is a lot of room for me to be super wrong. Meh. That's my "I'm an actor trained to live my life in full self-expression" outlook on things; and it seems that you have a hard time with self expression.