I would think that coming home for a two week R & R that is a lot of burden to bring back with you. I would suggest that you take the time with your family and friends, tell her you would like to continue to talk but you are not ready to reconnect with her at this time. Use the time in your deployment to communicate with her and feel out the situation. Tell her your concerns, tell her what you are willing to put up with. I am not big on ultimatums but she committed an awful offense in my opinion. Don't let her crawl back into your life again without some efforts on her part to make a change.
I can understand your love, I have been in a similar situation myself. I took the time, kept up communications with my special someone and eventually we worked it out. It still is not where it used to be, probably will never be quite the same. There has been a lot of shared communication, anger, discussions on the reasoning behind the cheating. It was a mistake, but he otherwise has been a wonderful man to me and it was impossible for me to overlook that fact.
As for the joke text from the asshole, that sort of thing should not be tolerated in the least. Anyone who knows anything about respect should know that there is no such thing as a harmless joke about playing around when a couple is separated by deployment. He should have his "parts" nailed to a wall for that comment.
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