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MaxPowers · 08-22-2008, 07:17 AM

I know the whole deal with "Why are you letting total strangers make life changing decision?" But this is mostly just venting.
Background story:
Married the girl of my dreams. She was so nice and sweet and we had a lot in common. She did not have many friends, she didn't get out much other than work. She smoked pot like once a week with a friend from work (a much older man, no competition to me) I deployed to Afghanistan for 3 months. While I was gone she made a lot more friends, and started smoking weed every day. I hate the stuff. Her smoking buddies were always guys. Put a lot of stress on our relationship. Came to the point where she didnt hang out with me, all she wanted to do was smoke with her friends. Her personality turned to the pot head wana be gangster. Total turn off. So we separated, and the first night I caught her in bed with another guy, one of her smoking buddies. So it ended there. One of her closest friends told me about 1 possibly 2 other guys she cheated on me with while we were married and I was at various military schools.
So we divorced and she has been trying to get back with me sense. Saying how she has changed and wants me back. We have stayed good friends.

Today:
I am deployed to Africa. I go home in September for a couple weeks. She is crying for me to come visit her for a couple days. (5 hour drive from where I will be staying) I love her to death and would love to get back with her if I KNEW it would work. However, she still smokes pot and she still is always hanging out with other guys that she claims are not her boyfriends just friends. Like the other day I tried messaging her and some guy that was at her house by himself (takes a lot of trust for her to let someone to do that) messaged me back about how he is "keeping the pussy wet while I am gone" This was like a week after she said she wasn't going to do anything until I got there because she wanted to be with me. But that guy and other guys still hang out with her. All her smoking buddies. She said he was "just kidding".
So she wants me to come visit her and see if we can make it work. But if her way of life is what it seems, then I know it wont. She says she can change but she has said that for the past 8 months. If I have it my way, it would be a total lifestyle change from what she is currently doing. I could try to go over there, but if she pisses me off and I want to leave, its either a hotel or 5 hour drive back.
I just don't trust her and I told her that. I know what most of yals advice will be. not to talk to her anymore because she has cheated on me before, but I really want to see her again. What advice do you have? Such as questions to ask her or whatever.
Maybe I am just kinda freaked out because I have never had a girlfriend in the past with boys as every day friends. How do you deal with that?

08-22-2008, 07:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
MaxPowers Upright	Should I give her a chance? I know the whole deal with "Why are you letting total strangers make life changing decision?" But this is mostly just venting. Background story: Married the girl of my dreams. She was so nice and sweet and we had a lot in common. She did not have many friends, she didn't get out much other than work. She smoked pot like once a week with a friend from work (a much older man, no competition to me) I deployed to Afghanistan for 3 months. While I was gone she made a lot more friends, and started smoking weed every day. I hate the stuff. Her smoking buddies were always guys. Put a lot of stress on our relationship. Came to the point where she didnt hang out with me, all she wanted to do was smoke with her friends. Her personality turned to the pot head wana be gangster. Total turn off. So we separated, and the first night I caught her in bed with another guy, one of her smoking buddies. So it ended there. One of her closest friends told me about 1 possibly 2 other guys she cheated on me with while we were married and I was at various military schools. So we divorced and she has been trying to get back with me sense. Saying how she has changed and wants me back. We have stayed good friends. Today: I am deployed to Africa. I go home in September for a couple weeks. She is crying for me to come visit her for a couple days. (5 hour drive from where I will be staying) I love her to death and would love to get back with her if I KNEW it would work. However, she still smokes pot and she still is always hanging out with other guys that she claims are not her boyfriends just friends. Like the other day I tried messaging her and some guy that was at her house by himself (takes a lot of trust for her to let someone to do that) messaged me back about how he is "keeping the pussy wet while I am gone" This was like a week after she said she wasn't going to do anything until I got there because she wanted to be with me. But that guy and other guys still hang out with her. All her smoking buddies. She said he was "just kidding". So she wants me to come visit her and see if we can make it work. But if her way of life is what it seems, then I know it wont. She says she can change but she has said that for the past 8 months. If I have it my way, it would be a total lifestyle change from what she is currently doing. I could try to go over there, but if she pisses me off and I want to leave, its either a hotel or 5 hour drive back. I just don't trust her and I told her that. I know what most of yals advice will be. not to talk to her anymore because she has cheated on me before, but I really want to see her again. What advice do you have? Such as questions to ask her or whatever. Maybe I am just kinda freaked out because I have never had a girlfriend in the past with boys as every day friends. How do you deal with that?