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walkdontwalk · 06-03-2008, 12:02 AM

I'm going to try and ride some of the momentum of the "Why did your other marriages go bad" thread and hope that some of the posters there will read this and give me their advice...

I'm in a relationship of nearly 4.5 years and have been noticing some things that make me wonder if these are symptoms of bigger problems down the road...

Good things about the relationship:
- We're great friends
- We're of similar intelligence
- Our families are very fond of the other partner respectively, and get along with each other
- Similar senses of humour
- We live together and haven't killed each other yet
- Finances are handled equally and fairly based on our relative earnings
- (mostly) Similar interests

Problems:

- She is less adventurous than me, due to her insecurities
- We have difficulty communicating some things (I can never give constructive criticism - she immediately gets defensive and starts arguing)
- She criticises me for little things - like when I don't pick the parking spot that she would have picked.
- I think she has some abandonment issues - if I'm asleep and she can't, she'll wake me and keep me awake until she is able to sleep...
- I am uninterested in marriage at this young age (24) - she claims the same but at the same time hints at it frequently
- She can be quite clingy and jealous (She makes me feel guilty if I wish to go out with my friends for an evening without her, and thinks that every conversation I have with an a female acquaintance is flirtation)
- We have different methods of approaching relationships with our friends (a minor comment that I would laugh off will be taken to heart by her, and she will argue and fight until the other party admits she is right and they were wrong)
- Sex is infrequent and uninteresting - I believe there's a communication gap which is causing other issues (above) to manifest subconsciously
- We probably have different goals for our lives right now (I would like to work and travel in foreign countries, whereas she wants to settle down and start a family)

Wow, there are more differences here than I realised... I suppose another thing that I'm unsure of is that, in the face of these problems, do I WANT to make it work?

Thanks. Again, I hoped that I could get the opinions of those who have gone down this road before and who can spot the warning signs.

Peace.
Walk

06-03-2008, 12:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
walkdontwalk Upright Location: Cape Town, South Africa	Do we stand a chance? I'm going to try and ride some of the momentum of the "Why did your other marriages go bad" thread and hope that some of the posters there will read this and give me their advice... I'm in a relationship of nearly 4.5 years and have been noticing some things that make me wonder if these are symptoms of bigger problems down the road... Good things about the relationship: - We're great friends - We're of similar intelligence - Our families are very fond of the other partner respectively, and get along with each other - Similar senses of humour - We live together and haven't killed each other yet - Finances are handled equally and fairly based on our relative earnings - (mostly) Similar interests Problems: - She is less adventurous than me, due to her insecurities - We have difficulty communicating some things (I can never give constructive criticism - she immediately gets defensive and starts arguing) - She criticises me for little things - like when I don't pick the parking spot that she would have picked. - I think she has some abandonment issues - if I'm asleep and she can't, she'll wake me and keep me awake until she is able to sleep... - I am uninterested in marriage at this young age (24) - she claims the same but at the same time hints at it frequently - She can be quite clingy and jealous (She makes me feel guilty if I wish to go out with my friends for an evening without her, and thinks that every conversation I have with an a female acquaintance is flirtation) - We have different methods of approaching relationships with our friends (a minor comment that I would laugh off will be taken to heart by her, and she will argue and fight until the other party admits she is right and they were wrong) - Sex is infrequent and uninteresting - I believe there's a communication gap which is causing other issues (above) to manifest subconsciously - We probably have different goals for our lives right now (I would like to work and travel in foreign countries, whereas she wants to settle down and start a family) Wow, there are more differences here than I realised... I suppose another thing that I'm unsure of is that, in the face of these problems, do I WANT to make it work? Thanks. Again, I hoped that I could get the opinions of those who have gone down this road before and who can spot the warning signs. Peace. Walk __________________ Sigs are overrated...