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I'm still not sure how we are going to handle the porn debate in our relationship. Before we made up and he was in his pissed state of mind I asked him if his porn was so important that he was willing to hurt me over it. He, in his belligerent attitude of the moment said " I guess it is" After we both calmed down he explained that he said this because he felt that no matter what he said I would question him and turn his action back around on him.
Sexuality was not taught in his household the way it was for me. His parents are very religious and opted both he and his sister out of the typical 6th grade sex talk. The reason...they were teaching lifestyles and views they did not approve of. I think that his upbringing versus mine is where we get into some problems. Even tho he prefers how I was raised over how he was raised.
My step mom was a 6th grade teacher so I was taught all about just about everything. There are no secrets in my family and my parents taught me that some people prefer certain sex acts and that if I too liked something that I should not be ashamed of it. My fiance was taught to be ashamed of sex, so it was secret and the excitement came from getting caught I think its still the same way.
I do not disapprove of porn I think its fine in certain situations: single, being away from loved one for extended time, sexual thrill inside the relationship agreed upon by both partners,etc but I do not agree with it when it knowingly hurts one party whatever the reasons may be. I think maybe this debate comes down to his unwillingness to give up something that hurts me. I would and have given up things that hurt him.
This was sent to me in a pm by one of our male viewers who said I could post his view:
"This is an age old debate - men like to look at naked women, women like to look at naked me, lots of people like to read stories of sexuality and some people have always felt that this is in some way "cheating" on the partners.
You can get a sense of the age of the debate, by remembering that it's there in the bible (if you follow such things) that if a man looks with lust on another woman he has committed adultery in his heart.
This strand in our culture is deep-seated and incorporated at a visceral level in many of us.
It's not pornography per se that seems to be the problem here - as many have stated, pornography can form a great part of a participatory sexual relationship.
What seems to be the real problem here is that the pornography was secret and denied. That indicates a lack of truth and honesty, which hopefully this episode will bring into the open and begin a healing process."
I also think its wrong that we could be as beautiful as all hell walk around naked, offering sex anytime and they will still look at porn...why?! Its like being offered chocolate cake and saying "naw I'd rather lick the box"
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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey
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