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personally, i can imagine myself being a complete moneywhore, but i can't seem to figure out how to do it.
this because i guess i have a stubborn or arrogant streak (it's hard to tell these things apart---mostly the distinction is a trick of lighting) about things that are important to me. in my creative work, for example: if i think about it, i am capable of thinking myself quite open to selling out so long as selling out means i get to do exactly the work i am doing. you just get to pay me for it. this seems an obstacle to being a particularly good market-boy.
and it turns out that this understanding of sound stuff has bled into other things, like my academic work, which now looks more and more like the other stuff. the funny thing is--you know, har de har---that the whole time this transformation was happening, i thought i was becoming more like a regular joe. so now i am working in a kind of underground artist mode in the stuff i thought would be my day job as well.
i am perfectly willing to sell out.
i just have no idea how to do it.
this is not a moral stance or an aesthetic stance--i just don't know how to go about it.
i keep thinking i need to hire someone to help mean learn how to speak capitalist.
maybe there's cash repellent in the coffee i drink every morning.
i dont know.
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a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear
it make you sick.
-kamau brathwaite
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