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Well, I actually am a hard liquor man, myself-- single malt scotch, neat. But I hear you about hating the brews-- I can't take beer. To me it just tastes like rotten grain juice. I can drink wine coolers and stuff, but I agree, they're really just crappy, lightly alcoholic soda pop.
You might try hard cider. It has to be decent: Ace, Hornsby, and Blackthorn all suck big time. Woodchuck is decent, Strongbow is very decent, and there are a slew of microbrew ciders around the Northeast which range from drinkable to phenomenal. I am a huge cider fan, especially for when I want to drink, but not hard liquor.
Mixed drinks...I like them, I have no issues ordering them, I just don't very often. I love frozen drinks in the summer-- pina coladas, frozen margaritas, daquiris: fruity umbrellas and all! Let's see...when I was a kid we all liked the good old fashioned Slow Comfortable Screw (vodka, So Co, OJ). And in college, we used to drink something called a Violent Fuck (32 of Jolt Cola with a hefty shot of everclear tossed into it), and it will get you blasted wasted, but I never saw anyone drink more than three without puking. In college, I was also fond-- for obvious reasons-- of a drink called Bongwater Sludge (vodka, anisette, chartreuse, chocolate liqueur, seltzer). An ex introduced me to a drink called the '57 Chevy, which was pretty good, though a little sweet to drink more than one (vodka, So Co, Grand Marnier, pineapple juice). A guy I worked with a couple of years ago favored one called the Purple Motherfucker, which was suprisingly tasty (vodka, So Co, Razzmatazz, amaretto, sour mix, 7-up).
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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.
(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
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