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Since grammar and spelling errors are unacceptable, I'll point out that you've written "The Mariners is about to win...", and that the thing a car does to slow down is brake, not break.
I guess he was survived by his son, right? So you can't give us the emotional turning point I expected when you put the son's ball in his collection--I thought sure you were heading toward the son's death.
Couple things I also notice... The tone of these two scenes is very very different. In the first one, you're in the character's head. In the second, you're mostly talking about the character. Actually, I never really SAW the character, I just saw what was around him. To make it clearer that you're actually doing the flat/round assignment, you might put them both in the same tone, and have the main difference between them be flatness and roundness.
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