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Anyway, if the new lover knows that the other is married or committed to another, what responsibility do they play in that marriage/commitment of their partner in the other relationship? And if the new lover keeps this relationship simple and asks no questions about that other relationship, none whatsoever, but just knows that there is a commitment on their partner\'s part to another, does the lover even have effect on that first relationship?
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Well ... it all depends.
Firstly, it depends on why a third person was introduced into that relationship. Lack of sex? Disharmony? Need to get out of first relationship? Boredom? Craving excitement?
The third person *always* has effect on the other relationship. I don\'t believe you can love, be in love with, or make love to two people in the one time frame. Not when you are committed to either one of them. It\'s almost impossible. Tacit or intended, one person will always be denied some sort of attention as it\'s redirected to the other. The image of one returning home, fresh from the arms of a lover into the receptive arms of a spouse is just ... repugnant. And it comes back to my first statement, how committed is this person to that first relationship? If there is a \"loveless marriage\" then the third person may act as a catalyst for the end of the marriage. Or, could also act as the abysmal failure that makes the other person reaffirm that they are indeed better of staying married and committed to one person.
The one thing you haven\'t addressed is the intentions of the person keeping the lover. Is that person making promises to the lover, planning and plotting the day of the natural conclusion to their relationship - an exclusive relationship of their own? If there are no promises beyond mutual sexual satisfaction then the only impact the lover can have on the marriage is as I stated earlier, affirmation or annihilation.
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In other words, what responsibility does a lover of a married partner play in anything other than relationship with the lover? The lover has no relationship with the partner.
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I believe the lover has a relationship by proxy to the partner. Comparisons will be made. Judgments will be handed down. Over time, things get more personal that just sex and comments, conversations and plans emerge.
While I believe firmly that you can love more than one person at one time, I believe you can not be seriously, deeply in love with more than one person at one time. Love can be mistaken for many things, lust, loneliness and escapism.
If you\'re that committed to your partner ... you should not need a lover. That person should be able to fulfill all your personal, sexual, emotional and spiritual needs. Full stop.
There\'s a reason people take a lover, and it is directly or indirectly linked to their feelings about their partner.
I speak from experience.
I have to add, these are just my opinions. They are not written in stone, or written with any other intent than to inadequately express what I feel.