I would ask first if you still love one another? Does communication and respect exist in the marriage? We can't make any assumptions here. And we've heard only one side of the story.
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I have tried for the past 16 years to try and change her bad habits and just be more responsible as far as taking care of the kids, cooking for the kids and help clean around the house. Tried the nice way of communicating what she needs to do, should do
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It sounds as though one of two things may have happened here. From your side, it sounds as though she's taken advantage of your kindness and willingness to do the tasks from day one and sees you as a pushover.
If there is any love and respect remaining, counseling would be the way to go. Sadly, it sounds as though it may be beyond that.
