Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - There must be something seriously wrong with me

Washington · 06-03-2003, 10:13 AM

Well..I recently spoke with an old friend. She and I were lifeguards together. She would constantly flirt with me and flash me etc. I still couldnt make it happen.

I think I really have a complete understanding of what I used to do wrong.

I changed her screenname to protect her....

here is the transcript from AOL IM...

ski00nut: Wow, its been a while
Aw: yeah cuz i dont have this SN anymore
ski00nut: You working at the hole this summer?
Aw: no i quit
Aw: last year
Aw: to go to school
Aw: now im moving to CA
ski00nut: exciting 8-)
ski00nut: near the water?
Aw: about 45 minutes
Aw: im right next to san fran
ski00nut: sweet
Aw: yes.
Aw: why are you being so nice to me?
Aw: i thought you hated me.
ski00nut: When I think of san fran i think of people shooting people
ski00nut: eh?
ski00nut: Why would you think that?
Aw: uhh you put a dead fish in my hubcap
ski00nut: I did not
Aw: well actually ill never know if you REALLY did or not cuz i wrecked my car two days later
ski00nut: I didnt....
ski00nut: besides it was just a joke
Aw: well you were a dick and didnt talk to me for a long time after that
ski00nut: Thats true
ski00nut: Sorry about that...but it's a little deeper than just forgetting about you.....
ski00nut: I was interested in you...more than just friends....I tried to get some alone time with you by going to see a movie....but then your "friend" was comming along. Anyway, i guess its irrelevant now that your moving right?
Aw: yeah i guess
Aw: im sorry that you couldnt just tell me that.
ski00nut: Just so I know...and be honest...were you interested in me?
Aw: lol how could i be interested in someone who never opened up to me?
Aw: you played games, you were cranky and mean... i never truly got to know you.
Aw: lol
ski00nut: I guess thats fair
Aw: i hope you're not insulted by that
Aw: but if you hadn't been so mean, i might have been interested.
ski00nut: Mean like what?
Aw: most of the time i knew you, i had a boyfirend anyway
Aw: mean as in you never flirted, you just insulted me, played jokes on me
ski00nut: you have no idea how enlightening this is to me
ski00nut: as long as we are being honest....i guess i can tell you why...
Aw: ok
ski00nut: Back then I didnt have the confidence to do something as simple as flirt
ski00nut: The only way I felt confortable interacting with someone i liked was to act that way...
ski00nut: And usualy I got the same result as I did with you...nothing...there were only a few exceptions...
Aw: understandable. i used to be the same way... back in like the 3rd grade... lol. people just have confidence at different points in their lives
ski00nut: I wish I was then as I am now....maybe it would have been different between us.
Aw: maybe. but usually i had a boyfriend anyway, lol
Aw: hey... who was the friend who was gonna go to the movie with us? do you remember?
ski00nut: I dont recall his name....I just rememeber you liked the same music...and burned a few CD's before you left....
ski00nut: he might have driven a van??
Aw: Ohhhhh... AJ
Aw: yeah
ski00nut: that sounds right
AW: we're not friends anymore
Aw: lol
ski00nut: Thats no good
Aw: nah
Aw: he was psycho
Aw: he liked me too
ski00nut: lol
Aw: and he used to get pissed cuz he was like a brother to me
Aw: and i used to call him that
Aw: and it would frustrate him to all hell
ski00nut: then you shouldnt have done it....
ski00nut: How soon do you move to Cali?
Aw: aug 10
Aw: and i called aj that cuz i truly meant it and i didnt know it made him so mad...anyway one day he went nuts on me about it
Aw: and we fought like five million times
ski00nut: I see
ski00nut: Well...im glad we had this conversation
Aw: im glad you feel better
AwShooKie: and im sorry things didnt turn out the way you wanted
ski00nut: All for the better i guess.
Aw: yes.
Aw: i just got out of a relationship... probably the most in love i've ever been
ski00nut: im sorry
Aw: its okay
Aw: i still love him and always will
Aw: but we werent meant to be
ski00nut: I think love is something that is mutual...its not just "liking someone a whole lot" but knowing that they feel the exact same way as you without you even having to tell them.
ski00nut: I dont think ive ever had that....
ski00nut: Someday....
Aw: yeah
Aw: well thats the thing...
Aw: brian never loved me back
Aw: love isnt controlled
Aw: you cant choose who you love
Aw: and you cant make yourself not love someone
ski00nut: so true
Aw: and i tried so hard with brian cuz ive been hurt a lot before
Aw: and i didnt even realize it til i was sunk
Aw: and we broke up like two weeks later
Aw: so it REALLY hurt
ski00nut: is it true that its better to have loved and lost than to never love at all?
Aw: no
Aw: whoever said that has never loved
ski00nut: So where are we? You still want to keep in contact online frequently? Ocasionally? Every once in a long while? Forget about it all? ......what?
Aw: haha we're friends, come on now
ski00nut: Sounds good.
Aw: ill be online every now and then in CA... if you want to email me, cool
ski00nut: Cool.
Aw: well i gotta run,y ou can write me at *CHANGED*@yahoo.com
Aw signed off at 1:48:07 PM.

So at least this confirms that I am not ugly but just need to have some damn confidence.

She was incredibly Hott too :{. She had a nice personality to boot.

Ah well..

06-03-2003, 10:13 AM	#46 (permalink)
Washington Insane Location: somewhere cool	Well..I recently spoke with an old friend. She and I were lifeguards together. She would constantly flirt with me and flash me etc. I still couldnt make it happen. I think I really have a complete understanding of what I used to do wrong. I changed her screenname to protect her.... here is the transcript from AOL IM... ski00nut: Wow, its been a while Aw: yeah cuz i dont have this SN anymore ski00nut: You working at the hole this summer? Aw: no i quit Aw: last year Aw: to go to school Aw: now im moving to CA ski00nut: exciting 8-) ski00nut: near the water? Aw: about 45 minutes Aw: im right next to san fran ski00nut: sweet Aw: yes. Aw: why are you being so nice to me? Aw: i thought you hated me. ski00nut: When I think of san fran i think of people shooting people ski00nut: eh? ski00nut: Why would you think that? Aw: uhh you put a dead fish in my hubcap ski00nut: I did not Aw: well actually ill never know if you REALLY did or not cuz i wrecked my car two days later ski00nut: I didnt.... ski00nut: besides it was just a joke Aw: well you were a dick and didnt talk to me for a long time after that ski00nut: Thats true ski00nut: Sorry about that...but it's a little deeper than just forgetting about you..... ski00nut: I was interested in you...more than just friends....I tried to get some alone time with you by going to see a movie....but then your "friend" was comming along. Anyway, i guess its irrelevant now that your moving right? Aw: yeah i guess Aw: im sorry that you couldnt just tell me that. ski00nut: Just so I know...and be honest...were you interested in me? Aw: lol how could i be interested in someone who never opened up to me? Aw: you played games, you were cranky and mean... i never truly got to know you. Aw: lol ski00nut: I guess thats fair Aw: i hope you're not insulted by that Aw: but if you hadn't been so mean, i might have been interested. ski00nut: Mean like what? Aw: most of the time i knew you, i had a boyfirend anyway Aw: mean as in you never flirted, you just insulted me, played jokes on me ski00nut: you have no idea how enlightening this is to me ski00nut: as long as we are being honest....i guess i can tell you why... Aw: ok ski00nut: Back then I didnt have the confidence to do something as simple as flirt ski00nut: The only way I felt confortable interacting with someone i liked was to act that way... ski00nut: And usualy I got the same result as I did with you...nothing...there were only a few exceptions... Aw: understandable. i used to be the same way... back in like the 3rd grade... lol. people just have confidence at different points in their lives ski00nut: I wish I was then as I am now....maybe it would have been different between us. Aw: maybe. but usually i had a boyfriend anyway, lol Aw: hey... who was the friend who was gonna go to the movie with us? do you remember? ski00nut: I dont recall his name....I just rememeber you liked the same music...and burned a few CD's before you left.... ski00nut: he might have driven a van?? Aw: Ohhhhh... AJ Aw: yeah ski00nut: that sounds right AW: we're not friends anymore Aw: lol ski00nut: Thats no good Aw: nah Aw: he was psycho Aw: he liked me too ski00nut: lol Aw: and he used to get pissed cuz he was like a brother to me Aw: and i used to call him that Aw: and it would frustrate him to all hell ski00nut: then you shouldnt have done it.... ski00nut: How soon do you move to Cali? Aw: aug 10 Aw: and i called aj that cuz i truly meant it and i didnt know it made him so mad...anyway one day he went nuts on me about it Aw: and we fought like five million times ski00nut: I see ski00nut: Well...im glad we had this conversation Aw: im glad you feel better AwShooKie: and im sorry things didnt turn out the way you wanted ski00nut: All for the better i guess. Aw: yes. Aw: i just got out of a relationship... probably the most in love i've ever been ski00nut: im sorry Aw: its okay Aw: i still love him and always will Aw: but we werent meant to be ski00nut: I think love is something that is mutual...its not just "liking someone a whole lot" but knowing that they feel the exact same way as you without you even having to tell them. ski00nut: I dont think ive ever had that.... ski00nut: Someday.... Aw: yeah Aw: well thats the thing... Aw: brian never loved me back Aw: love isnt controlled Aw: you cant choose who you love Aw: and you cant make yourself not love someone ski00nut: so true Aw: and i tried so hard with brian cuz ive been hurt a lot before Aw: and i didnt even realize it til i was sunk Aw: and we broke up like two weeks later Aw: so it REALLY hurt ski00nut: is it true that its better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? Aw: no Aw: whoever said that has never loved ski00nut: So where are we? You still want to keep in contact online frequently? Ocasionally? Every once in a long while? Forget about it all? ......what? Aw: haha we're friends, come on now ski00nut: Sounds good. Aw: ill be online every now and then in CA... if you want to email me, cool ski00nut: Cool. Aw: well i gotta run,y ou can write me at CHANGED@yahoo.com Aw signed off at 1:48:07 PM. So at least this confirms that I am not ugly but just need to have some damn confidence. She was incredibly Hott too :{. She had a nice personality to boot. Ah well.. __________________ there is no absolute, only the moment.