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Old 10-31-2007, 05:58 AM   #8 (permalink)
Redlemon
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Location: New England
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martian
According to what you've said, yes.

Look, this girl did like you. She wanted to be with you, but she had some hang-ups. She tried to explain this to you (and probably chose to do it over AIM deliberately, because I don't reckon it was an easy conversation for her) and you, in your own words, 'blew up, getting defensive and whatnot...'

You then decided that the best possible course of action was to avoid her for a week.

So. Here's this poor girl, who's scared out of her wits. She's falling for you and she wants to let it happen, but she's got this whole problem going on in her head that's making her hesitate. She decides to come to you with it and instead of attempting to help her work through it you dismiss it and get upset with her. Now she's hurt, she's confused and she's even more afraid than she ever was because your actions have reinforced her negative view of romantic relationships.
Martian's description only covers the first half of your actions. After the week of ignoring her, you then went overboard with flowers and a gushy note, which may have confused her even more.

(warning: uncomfortable assumptions ahead)

Your actions of "ignore, then overflow" reminded me of the emotional swings that are common with spousal abuse. It is frequent for an abuser to hurt the other person, then bring them back with an excess of kindness, only to hurt them again. I am NOT saying that you are an abusive personality, only that she may PERCEIVE early signs of that in your actions.
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