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Recommended reading
I recommend you read "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. It doesn't deny the existence of god but does put the probability into some kind of context.
Dawkins looks at all the fundamental arguments for and against there being a god or gods.
However, I think you are an excellent example of why we shouldn't teach religion to anyone until they are old enough to understand the arguments. If you had been taught as a child how to think for yourself, rather than being indoctrinated by the Roman Catholic beliefs, you would not need to do all this 'sole' (soul) searching now.
Teach people to think 'clearly' rather than to think 'what you want them to think'.
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