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roachboy · 09-27-2007, 12:18 PM

on the esquire piece...

most of what i would have said mm has already said, so i'll just add something from my own experience.

when i weighed around 500 lbs, my mother would sometimes try this "radical honesty" shit on me.
it would consist of sentences like:

"i have had to start therapy in order to help me deal with your weight"
and
"you used to be a good looking young man--now just look at you."
and
"i am ashamed to be seen in public with you."

and--my favorite--she started clipping articles and photos from newspapers concerning fat people who died and send them to me. the best was a photo of a piano crate containing the earthly remains of a 900 lb guy being lowered into a grave. that one i kept tacked to my refrigerator for a long time after i got it.

there really is no way to confuse this kind of "radical honesty" with anything that could possibly be useful for the addresee--i can tell you without any hesitation that all this "radical honesty" did was make maintaining a relationship with her even more difficult than it already was---it was not helpful, it did not inspire any action, it had no bearing on the changes i later implemented that resulted in starting to loose weight.

and had it come from anyone else, there would have been no question of maintaining a relationship, in the way that there often is not after you punch someone in the face.

because let's be a little honest with ourselves here: such statements are about nothing but the narcissism of the speaker.

it is not as though your particular views about questions of body image are strict reproductions of some social norm. and no-one appoints a social norm police. there isnt any norm police. you are not the norm police.
and chances are that no-one gives a fuck what you find attractive or not attractive in others.

and it is not as though i was able to forget that i weighed 500 lbs--hell, if there was a day when i felt too removed from it, all i needed to do was turn at the wrong time as i was walking by a building or--if i really wanted to know--i could go to a clothing store and try to find something that actually fit. reminders of american body fascism are everywhere all the time, and you have to be blind to not see them (actually that's only sort of true--you have to conform to the requirements as to body type or--and this is far more difficult and something i never managed--be comfortable with yourself and your body weight/type to not see them)

at any rate, one thing tht "radical honesty" would enable you to do is to hunt down those folk who might actually be comfortable with themselves and their body type and get yourselves into needless pointless fights with them.

that's great idea.

i dont suppose dr blanton could have sold a book on radical cloddishness, but that's what he is adocating.

"be free--let your inner clod express itself."

09-27-2007, 12:18 PM	#83 (permalink)
roachboy Super Moderator Location: essex ma	on the esquire piece... most of what i would have said mm has already said, so i'll just add something from my own experience. when i weighed around 500 lbs, my mother would sometimes try this "radical honesty" shit on me. it would consist of sentences like: "i have had to start therapy in order to help me deal with your weight" and "you used to be a good looking young man--now just look at you." and "i am ashamed to be seen in public with you." and--my favorite--she started clipping articles and photos from newspapers concerning fat people who died and send them to me. the best was a photo of a piano crate containing the earthly remains of a 900 lb guy being lowered into a grave. that one i kept tacked to my refrigerator for a long time after i got it. there really is no way to confuse this kind of "radical honesty" with anything that could possibly be useful for the addresee--i can tell you without any hesitation that all this "radical honesty" did was make maintaining a relationship with her even more difficult than it already was---it was not helpful, it did not inspire any action, it had no bearing on the changes i later implemented that resulted in starting to loose weight. and had it come from anyone else, there would have been no question of maintaining a relationship, in the way that there often is not after you punch someone in the face. because let's be a little honest with ourselves here: such statements are about nothing but the narcissism of the speaker. it is not as though your particular views about questions of body image are strict reproductions of some social norm. and no-one appoints a social norm police. there isnt any norm police. you are not the norm police. and chances are that no-one gives a fuck what you find attractive or not attractive in others. and it is not as though i was able to forget that i weighed 500 lbs--hell, if there was a day when i felt too removed from it, all i needed to do was turn at the wrong time as i was walking by a building or--if i really wanted to know--i could go to a clothing store and try to find something that actually fit. reminders of american body fascism are everywhere all the time, and you have to be blind to not see them (actually that's only sort of true--you have to conform to the requirements as to body type or--and this is far more difficult and something i never managed--be comfortable with yourself and your body weight/type to not see them) at any rate, one thing tht "radical honesty" would enable you to do is to hunt down those folk who might actually be comfortable with themselves and their body type and get yourselves into needless pointless fights with them. that's great idea. i dont suppose dr blanton could have sold a book on radical cloddishness, but that's what he is adocating. "be free--let your inner clod express itself." __________________ a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear it make you sick. -kamau brathwaite Last edited by roachboy; 09-27-2007 at 12:21 PM..