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4thTimeLucky,
Just a quick note:
You sound very like me at a certain point in my life. You might really enjoy this book:
Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time
by Marcus Borg.
This book brought me to an interesting place in regards to some of the questions you ask.
Best of luck my friend.
__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis
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