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Roachboy- I am intending to assemble a big variety of lost traditions and culture and appropriate it. I think its the least I can do as a white person who feels badly for my ancestor's past. In a way I want to celebrate and work with cultural images in hopes to give back in some way. So many of these cultures are amazing and thus deserve a sort of visual apology.
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serlindsipity,
Your questions and search is understandable. Roachboy made some very good points regarding where this may lead you. My great grandmother was an Algonquian (they all say we are related to Pocahontas
), my step-mother is Costa Rican and my inlaws are mostly of pure German descent. You can imagine the stories that might come out of that mix.
I guess I don't look like your average white guy. People have always asked me what I "was"(am?)? I know my experiences are probably nothing compared to some, but I have experiences that have both angered and given me hope. I think you are probably very sincere in your feelings. But misplaced guilt for something you never had a hand in could become distructive, much like hatred. Don't let it become self-hatred.
As far as history is concerned, I have come to this rationalization. For what ever the reason, the white Europeans made some huge leaps in technology in the past few centuries. Technology is supreme in warfare. I'm not sure that the Spaniards would have been considered "white", but they sure contributed to destroying much of the indigent cultures of the Americas. I think we can look through history and find many cultures and civilizations that were wiped out, enslaved, or assimilated by ancient conquerors. I'm afraid it has been part of human nature to want to dominate others. The hopeful part that I see is more people like yourself who don't want to hurt others.
This is a weird analogy, I guess it's a bit out there, but here it goes... A guy like Mel Gibson grows up in a home filled with hatred. He has been in the news lately accused for possibly being anti-semetic regarding his work and from drunken outbursts. But up until recent years, he has been a model citizen, seen as a good guy with flaws. Think of all the opportunity a man with his upbringing and influence has had to do really bad things. I think with his drinking, his demons sometime rise up. But in spite of his family "history", he makes a conscious decision not to be the monster his father has been. It is his lifelong struggle and I believe he is really good at heart. He is not perfect, but evolved. I see the world more and more like that.
Don't ever feel guilty of your ancestry. I'm sure you'll find skeletons in every ethnic closet. There are fine examples of good people in all races. Feel proud that you are evolved and live by example. I believe that is the best way to teach compassion and tolerance.
You seem to have a deep need to work this out for yourself ...somehow. Best of luck to you.